1 chapter / 101 words

Approximately half a minute to read


Just a poem . . . The title could be a double meaning, though


Writing, Poetry



over 6 years ago Sunshine said:

That was really good.


over 6 years ago Megan! said:

aww I liked this very much! It was fun to read and very cute! :)


over 6 years ago Andy S. said:

Haha nice.


over 6 years ago Ezmerelda said:

Interesting use of rhyming. I was kind of torn between wishing it followed a pattern and admiring its uniqueness. It was a sweet poem though, overall. Nice job. :)



over 6 years ago Osoo Gilbert Reagan said:

I have to say it was nice, but not good. I'm positive from what I've read that you can write better. I mean, the poem looks almost childish, due to the simplistic comparisons, like the sun setting, who hasn't seen that? Take this example: Her hair, dark like the tiger's claws of steel, Her face, an aura of peace like Solomon's seal, Her slight figure, simple impression, to no carving can we place comparison.....

like so, hope i helped


over 6 years ago Alex Nirenberg said:

It's kind of adorable and kind of eerily obsessed. Either way it's charming and vaguely naive sounding, and I think it comes off as a young narrator. I do think that you could try and have some of your rhyming stanzas sound less strained. When you had to use uncommon word orders to rhyme it sometimes sounded like a little bit much. Overall, nice. Sweet.