Absent Eyes

Absent Eyes

1 chapter / 500 words

Approximately 3 minutes to read

Description:

Finalist in Mustache Film Project!

Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around. ~Buddy Buie and J.R. Cobb, "Rock Bottom"

Cover Credit: Pie the Phucking Moron
She's great at covers!

Comments(44)

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about 5 years ago claire-D-cat said:

i loved this! the whole time i thought it was her boyfriend, and i thought it was kinda wierd that a girl would love a guys mustache so much, so i loved the way it caught me off guard that it was her father. Great job:)

457

over 5 years ago Evaline Age said:

Incredible ending, really pulled my heart-strings! At first I thought the mustache man and her were actual lovers, so at the end when it said he was her father I was a bit startled haha, but it makes sense now :) Again, long paragraphs, but amazing emotion and imagery!

Prof

over 5 years ago Carlikins said:

I'm wearing my mustache shirt right now!

Horse-riding

over 5 years ago krystelle faulkener said:

I love how this needed no dialogue. It's so heartwrenching and aww, her dad :c It's so sad and heartbreaking omg. Really nicely written~

Reviews(6)

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over 5 years ago •Brooklyn Fairchild• said:

this was perfect. i loved the metaphor of the mustache being the father's personality, and the ending was perfect. in fact, there is very little i would tell you to change. the length is great, your grammar is spot on, and your imagery is perfect. the only thing i would say should be looked at is in the first paragraph, you were explaining the love Juliet had for the mysterious mustached man in a way that i thought was more husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend than father/daughter. you never say that Juliet is a little girl (or if you did i missed it...) so i was confused when all of a sudden she was hugging her mother. i would touch that up but otherwise, excellent job!!!

Unipegallama

over 5 years ago Sophie said:

absolutely loved this! i thought the first paragraph seemed a bit overdone at first with her description of how much she loved this man, but when you reveal it is her father, it all makes sense and fits.