The Horrible Woes of the Two-year-old

The Horrible Woes of the Two-year-old

1 chapter / 436 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read

Description:

Poor John almost died in a fire, but was rescued. But is rescue really any better? Thanks to Mercy Davis: John and Booger are her creation.

Genres:

Writing, Adventure, Novel

Comments(7)

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about 6 years ago skye Kerr said:

Keep going!

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about 6 years ago Sierra CoeHoe said:

Great start! It catches a readers attention. But you could add a little more detail and keep going! But its good so far!

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over 6 years ago Tom "JellyBean Sjöden" Stack said:

Interesting idea. I like the whole meaning of it but how old is he exactly? He says he's a teenager at one part but he is sucking his thumb and bouncing with glee in the woman's arms when they are running away. Please explain that or maybe I just read it wrong. Hahaha. Anyways, love the plot to it.

Wholock

over 6 years ago Wholockian said:

WHoa. WHoa. Whoa.

Okay, that's out now. This was incredibly good. I quite liked it! It's very intriguing. Good job!

Reviews(1)

Beachy

over 6 years ago Cassie said:

This is really interesting. There was a couple things I noticed however when reading this. At first it didn't really bug me, until I read this sentence: "He had seen more than any teenager should have." This through me for a little bit of a bend, when I earlier read this: "John was, in his opinion, the most toubled two year old on the face of the earth." I began to wonder if your story was from the perspective of the two year old when he was two, or if it was him as a teenager telling you what was going on. But with the way he talks, I was leaning towards the two year old, but then thought, well it is quite possible that me may be mentally handicapped, but I think you would have portrayed that more. That was the major thing I saw, but saying that he is in fact two, I do not believe that a two year old would have an opinion as such to believe that he was the most troubled two year old on the earth as I do not believe a two year old would be able to comprehend such a thing, as, being two, he probably wouldn't remember too much about life before or for that matter, know how other two year olds live. At which point, this statement doesn't match with the sentence made later: "John screamed, and bounced with the thrill of adventure, hardly aware of what was happening." which I believe further firms up the idea that he cannot comprehend that he's the most troubled two year old in the world. Now, if you were to put it in as a 'narrated' part like: 'Jack had to have been one of the most troubled two year olds in the world' as opposed to 'John was, in his opinion, the most troubled...' I think it's just a matter of separating his thoughts and opinions with that of the narrator's information. But, this is a good start so far!