New York

New York

4 chapters / 18467 words

Approximately about 2 hours to read

Description:

After she fails to save a poisoned millionaire, New York City homicide detective Kathryn Bullock is pulled into the grasp of a relentless serial killer who threatens her family, her mentality, and her life. Kathryn's tale features Eleanor Bellings, New York's favorite - and now deceased - millionaire; Detective Arnold "Dobson" Dobson, her shabby and nagging yet lovable police partner; Doctor Louis Reynolds, an ex she'd dated for nine years and a partial witness to Bellings' murder; Doctor Kara Trout, a lying, cheating trauma surgeon whose life as a newly-married mother hardly suits her personality; and Detective Todd Zimmerman, a newbie who just might have what it takes to crack the case open. (third draft two-chapter preview)(handpicked fig 2.6.12)

Comments(107)

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about 4 years ago Vic said:

The two most recent chapters were AMAZING! Beautifully written, fast-paced, heartbreaking...Just...Wow. Maeve

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about 4 years ago NotAnna said:

Oh. My. Gosh. All of the things. Todd and Kara. Louis and Kathryn. And Maeve... This was beautiful, Sam, a few typos, but just amazing. More please!

Tori me

about 4 years ago Torrance Courtney said:

This is really well written. I was hooked instantaneously. U have a lot of talent and I look forwards to seeing what else u will write.

If u could read "perfection of music" or "perpetual" that would be super helpful.

Tori me

about 4 years ago Torrance Courtney said:

This is really well written. I was hooked instantaneously. U have a lot of talent and I look forwards to seeing what else u will write.

If u could read "perfection of music" or "perpetual" that would be super helpful.

Reviews(6)

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about 4 years ago S Alini said:

I enjoyed this story. I like that it started right into the action of the lives of this husband and wife. We are not given endless background as some writers are tempted to do. My recommendation would be to spend more time polishing it up. You don't want simple grammatical mistakes to create a bad impression. Take out any sentences that are not absolutely necessary. That makes it a better read. Stories can drag if the writer is overly wordy. But all in all I liked it. Thanks for posting it.

Portal-cubehead

over 5 years ago Act said:

This kind of opening-- "They didn't know they knew each other, but fate had others plans!"-- is very common. I wouldn't quite call it cliche, but it isn't something that grabs me or shows me anything particularly unique about your story. That said, I think you pull it off well enough. I didn't bail out (but that may be because it reminded my of my own tendency to open things this way).

[Their first initial meeting was highly informal.]

I think "first initial" is a typo; omit one of those words.

[They all were at a subway station at six pm on Thursday.]

The consensus at the office is that you should write "p.m." lowercase and with periods. Nice to see you writing out numbers, though.

[It may seem like a coincidence that they were all there at the same time. However, it was not a coincidence.]

We know; you just told us a few sentences ago. This is redundant information. Prune out the extra stuff.

[Debbie screeched at the top of her lungs. Everyone stared. The man had fallen to the ground, dead. Debbie glanced at the crowd, fear in her eyes.

The next morning, Debbie ]

You're repeating names a lot; don't be afraid of pronouns. They make it easier to read.

[And that would be why Debbie would seem to be insane.]

I don't think this is a particularly powerful closing line. "would seem to be" is a bit wishy-washy. I would go with something more definitive, like, "That's when they first assumed Debbie was insane." Or something.

Anyway, I liked this. The writing was really solid, and I thought the style of it was intriguing, if a little bit too drawn out. At times it got a tad convoluted and I had trouble keeping the names straight, so watch your clarity, but it wasn't too bad. I'll come back to check on this.

I'm a sucker for detective fiction, so enjoy the feature.