What is Wrong With You

What is Wrong With You

2 chapters / 902 words

Approximately 5 minutes to read

Description:

Originally for the MTV Act contest, it is now going to become a short story. It is also going to be re-written so it has been taken down temporarily.

Character(Cassandra Austen)- Lucy
Setting(beautiful countryside) - Kelly Ann

Comments(31)

Steaming coffee

almost 6 years ago Jex said:

No offense, but ALL your writing just confuses me so much.... Did not like it, perhaps just make it more to the point...

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almost 6 years ago Okami Aonair said:

Very good... I like how it was so simple. One thing though. About three quarters through, you put 'cans' where it's supposed to be 'can'.

Good luck on the contest!

Horse-riding

almost 6 years ago krystelle faulkener said:

Hm, well, I thought that this was kind of rushed. The ending was sudden and idk. Nice characterization, though. Good luck in the contest! :)

Frankie11

almost 6 years ago thefrankie said:

This is pretty interesting, but I feel like it could use a lot more details. Explain more. And good luck in the contest!

Reviews(3)

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almost 6 years ago Isabel Wright said:

A bit confusing, and your language is so repetitive and weak that it's hard to give the storyline a fair chance.

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almost 6 years ago Lights Are On; Nobody's Home said:

I like the idea, but it just didn't make sense to me. Some things I was bothered and/or distracted by:

How was Cassandra an outcast for reading? The only person you described giving her any trouble was the man who wanted everyone to see the beauty of reading.

Why did she follow him? I wasn't given the impression that she was concerned at all by the man's remarks, even if she was a little annoyed.

On the same note, I was confused at first that you were talking about Cassandra when she came to the door. For a second, I thought you added another character. AND why would she just follow this man that annoyed her into a cellar?

The princess was quite random, too. And why must Cassandra be 14 before she could travel the world and spread the message?

And I have to agree that the solution was rushed and came off corny and unrealistic.

I don't want to come off harsh. I just think this has great potential. I'd love to see you revise, edit, and making something wonderful of this.