6 chapters / 3388 words

Approximately 17 minutes to read


The world is burning. Flames devouring everything. Where am I? Why is this happening?



over 5 years ago Paige and Abby said:

This is...I don't even have words to speak about how awesome this book is. I don't know much about schizophrenia, but what I do know is exactly how you described. This is a cool, but creepy book, reminding me of the game Silent Hill with how the nurses seem to be evil and the person can't remember her past. Excellent job! I can't wait to read more.


almost 6 years ago The Great Toepick said:



about 6 years ago kyla denae said:

Wow. This was amazing. I loved how you showed Kayla's inner world so brilliantly, how you portrayed her reality versus everyone else's, all jumbled up. You are such a talented writer, I can't even...ah...

One thing I was rather confused about was how easily Kayla trusted the Pierce fellow, whether he was real or not. I don't know--it worked, and I can sort of see it, but I'd like to see a bit more about that relationship and how her mind handled it...and whether he was actually real. :P

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over 6 years ago Kate Brashear said:

I like the writing style, and the claustrophobic feel to the piece. My only problem is that after 6 chapters, I couldn't keep reading. I think you need to have one chapter every now and then in a looser more relaxed voice, otherwise it's just too much of a struggle to keep reading.



over 6 years ago McKenna said:

Before I start reviewing the grammar, I'd just like to say this story is brilliant! A bunch of the stories on Figment are quite good, but this is in a whole new league! I adored your comparing the cardiograph to a wave, and I like that because of the frantic narrator every sentance is a surprise. I have also really enjoyed trying to diagnose her psychologically because you haven't specifically told us what she has because she herself doesn't know. Now for the grammar, I only caught a few things.

“No words come when I wanted to speak, and I can't move my face.” In this sentence, I think you meant for come to be came.

“They want to hurt me. And they were here.” I wasn’t sure whether you did this on purpose or not, but the tenses here are switched up.

I believe “I know that they're still there. Waiting to grab me when the medications wear off.” should be “I know they’re still there, waiting to grab me when the medication wears off.”

“Maybe I they've been keeping him too.” You accidentally put an ‘I’ here.

“My eyes still see the desolation, endless plains.” I would recommend changing ’Desolation’ to ’Desolate’.

Anyway, amazing story! The whole thing gave me chills!

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over 6 years ago A. Kennedy said:

So I’m going to be responding to the story and it’s plot, not grammar.


Gave me chills. At first I wasn’t too sure about the over-descriptiveness of the flames, but as I read on I found that it worked. No complaints with the prologue. It has a good hook.

Chapter 1

I love the way you talk about the cardiograph. It’s very accurate, which I am quite happy about. I also like the way the character ‘plays’ with the line.

I’m very intrigued by the main character and the story. Instantly I have questions and want to read more about the ‘patchwork people’ and about what happened to the MC. I like her view on life, and how you describe people through her. Gah, the ending of the chapter gets me! Ok, this is a very addicting piece!

Chapter 2

I like this chapter a lot. Is the character crazy? Are the nurses really bad? Who are the spies? I love these questions. This is a very gripping chapter, especially with the entrance of a possible new world.

Chapter 3

This chapter is chilling. It has a rollercoaster ride in it. Everything starts calm, and then the crazy begins. Very nice. I notice you add a bit more to her past in this chapter, but it’s the first time you actually say that she can’t recall anything. Until this point, I did not know that.

Chapter 4

I like how the MC has a bit more control over herself and her mind at this point, at least enough to have rational thought even if she’s still a little mental. It helps shift the story and reader into a different mindset. ‘Is she really crazy or are these things real’?

I like that there is finally another character introduced that the MC can speak to. That helps also give us an idea of how sane she is. She can hold a conversation with a person- a person who knows her and seemingly that she’s in trouble. I like the blind trust between them.

The shift in setting was a little sudden, so you might want to just elaborate on that a bit.

Chapter 5

This chapter confused me a lot. I had no clue what was happening, where the MC was, or anything about what was going on. I would elaborate on this one a bit.

Overall, I liked this piece. It held my attention (which is rare when I read Figment pieces). Nothing major stood out to me so far as errors go. It’s a confusing read, but I understand that is the intention. Overall, 4.5/5