Just The Way You Are

Just The Way You Are

2 chapters / 3768 words

Approximately 19 minutes to read

Description:

Faye Zaga is a high school freshman who's trying to learn the ropes. Along the way, she and her friends face many trials and tribulations.

Genres:

Writing, Drama

Comments(15)

Becca's edit

about 4 years ago Sarah G said:

This is a really amazing story! Please write more!

A-bird

over 5 years ago Emma Rose said:

I love this! It's very realistic with not many errors. Please keep writing, I would love to read more!

Mgg

about 6 years ago Lisako Hirano said:

I like this! the dialougue is a little chapter and there are a few stylistic errors but overall it was good.

Prince 085

about 6 years ago Steph A. said:

You've built some nice relationships between your characters. I was able to feel the frusturation between your main character and her brother. So far, you seem to be off to a nice start but you might want to find a way to distinguish some the main character's friends from one another. Their voices need to be a little bit stronger. So far, this seems quite enjoyable and you're able to bring your story to life quite well. Pretty good so far.

Reviews(2)

Beautyisintheeyeofthebeholder

about 6 years ago Margaret K. said:

a.) “Faye told one of her best friends, Felicity.” The word “told” makes the sentence sound awkward. Try something along the lines of “squealed” or something. b.) “Beeeeeeeep!” doesn’t really sound like a whistle. It’s also not very relevant, so it would be fine if it were cut. c.) “Faye said impishly”. Adverbs after “said” is a no-no. We all slip up sometimes, though. Change it to, “Faye said, protruding her lip in an imp-like manner,” or something. d.) “The Zagas frequently communicated in Spanish while at home because Faye’s parents Consuela and Patrid were originally from Bolivia.” This sentence feels long and rambles. Change “because” to “for” and add a comma after “home”. e.) “It was an intense thirty seconds but when team Avity won Felicity had the perfect excuse to give him a giant hug” Add a comma after “seconds” and change “had” to “given”, placing a comma after “Felicity” to make the sentence flow better. f.) “Bring!” Once more, this sound should either be drawn out or removed.

Overall, the plot is really interesting. The characters are believable. However, the pacing was quite quick and everything was old in a “tell, not show” manner, which is something that could be worked on. Good job! :)

Images (2)

about 6 years ago NO said:

This is great, Brianna! Okay, but the grammar bothered me a little. I didn't notice it in too many places. And also, "Heck, I wish the next for years" "for" should be "four" I really like it though!!!! :3 And I love her name, Faye. Faye, Faye, Faye, Faye... It's so cute! :3 Good job, Brianna!! I can't wait to read more!!