Poems of A Teenage Jarhead

Poems of A Teenage Jarhead

29 chapters / 2181 words

Approximately 11 minutes to read

Description:

Just the random poems of a Marine

Genres:

Poetry, Romance

Comments(8)

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over 5 years ago Dylan Bennett said:

I. Loved. This. I actually followed you because I saw this and wanted to read it, but I didn't have time. Boy, am I glad I did! Are you going to add on to this? Please say you will. I honestly loved it. Really, really, really I did. Everything about it, the way the story unfolded, the contrast between when he was home and when he was at war... just... my God, I loved it.

Did you get the part where I loved it?

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almost 6 years ago AlyssaCoy said:

Ahw-This is so adorably sweeet

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about 6 years ago Jay Bird said:

This is amazingreally great my favorite line out of all of them was "If I had a penny for every time you crossed my mind, I would only have a penny because you never left."

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about 6 years ago Maggie Skye said:

Nice! I like what I read so far. :)

Reviews(2)

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about 5 years ago Dylan Bennett said:

Okay, so you asked me to go a bit more in-depth with this one, and I'm sorry it took so long to get to it, but here I am.

I had to re-read it, just in case I was forgetting something, and I have to say, I remember again why I loved it so much. Is this the end? Because I feel as though this tells kind of a story, and that the story isn't quite done. Or maybe it is. It depends, I guess. Is the girl in he's talking about in the end his girlfriend, or is it a different girl? I thought I remember it saying something about how his girlfriend is blonde and this girl is brunette, or maybe I'm just going nuts, I don't know. If it's a different girl, I can kind of see what you did there, and how the cycle starts all over again. That, I think is actually a very powerful ending.

Something I really appreciated about this was that each poem was pretty much in a different format each time, and none of it rhymed. I know poems that rhyme and totally work, but I think it gives you a lot more room to get kind of descriptive and creative if it doesn't. I also like reading that kind of poetry better.

So, you seemed kind of interested in my interpretation of the story, which I am happy to go more in-depth on. Basically, I stand by my original analysis of the differences between home and war, but now I can see them far more mixed in and that the plot is not necessarily linear. Originally, I had figured "Surrender" was the first poem actually describing war, but with all the talk of darkness and hate before hand, I kind of figure it was actually going back and forth between when Josh was home and when he was away. This, I also really like by the way. They blend so well together, you almost can't tell the difference at some parts, and maybe that's the point. I don't know, maybe I'm getting too deep here.

All in all, I found this to be well-written, haunting, and told from the perspective of a very likable-yet-flawed character that I'm sure lots of us can relate to. I especially love "Whores", because it is just a little insight into Josh's view that doesn't necessarily relate to the bigger picture, but let me know a lot about the way he sees things. Or, I could get all college professor on you again and start babbling on about how I felt that particular poem relates to the corruption of democracy and how every country might not actually want it, because America is truly far from a perfect place (thus questioning why your MC is going to war to begin with), yadda yadda yadda... but I think my first impression is probably the better one.

His name is Josh, right? I'm going to feel like such an ass if I haven't even been calling him by the right name. I'm afraid I am awfully forgetful.

So anyway, there you go. Hope that didn't completely just confuse the hell out of you. Thanks for asking me to read this again, because I really did enjoy it (probably even more) the second time through. Good luck with your writing, because you certainly have a talent!

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almost 6 years ago Cricket Solusod said:

I understand you still love me. I get it I really do. I just wish that you would see, That I'm just not all that into you.