Her

Her

1 chapter / 500 words

Approximately 3 minutes to read

Description:

For the Seventeen Mag contest! THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO VOTED FOR ME--I'M A FINALIST!!

~Gorgeous cover by Talia Durante~
I loved Rachelle. She was my everything. We were together for over a year, and everything was perfect. Until she was stabbed to death.

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Comments(64)

7 apr 2013 17-00-21

over 5 years ago Zoe Mouse said:

Sad, and beautifully paced.

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almost 6 years ago Ophie said:

I love it so much!!! Jared has always been my favorite name, too! Beautiful and breathtaking story. :')

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almost 6 years ago Emily(: said:

This is nice, but I'd like you to expand this. It's moving way to fast in my opinion, and there's nothing that explains how Rachelle got stabbed. It's really random how she got stabbed all of a sudden. Please explain more. Overall though, it was pretty good.

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almost 6 years ago just_another_bookaholic said:

CONGRATULATIONS!! This story deserved to be a finalist!!

Reviews(11)

Mehhhhhhgy

almost 6 years ago Emerson said:

Wow, this is absolutely beautiful. You definitely have talent. Very chilling. There were a couple grammar mistakes, but that's the only thing I have wrong with it. Keep writing! :D

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almost 6 years ago Jordan Cohoon said:

This was amazing! The emotions in it were incredible and I could actually see everything that was happening. It was tragic and powerful, and I was crying by the end :)

I only have a couple suggestions, and they're just small things.

-You seem to do a lot of telling, and not a lot of showing. Try using the passive voice less and including more action verbs. That will make it feel more real, as if it's actually happening.

-Your character, Rae, does not seem like she has a fiery and bright personality. She seems sweet and gentle. Her personality doesn't remind me of fire; it's more like the clear, calm water on a lake.

-I feel like you need more setting description. Where are they when all of this is happening? Try seeing the world through your characters’ eyes and noticing what they would notice. What they see reflects their personality, and then you can use the setting to bounce back and forth, between their thoughts and the world around them. It might make the setting feel more real.

Besides those suggestions, this was really an amazing story. You're a talented writer, so, keep it up :)