Want to follow along with this writing? Sign up Today, it's free and easy
Approximately 12 minutes to read
What better place to capture a victim than the icy depths of a blizzard?
almost 2 years ago Elisa Xu said:
It was really sad how you ended it... still a great job, though! I like how after the two boys are found, there still isn't a happy ending. Keep writing!
almost 2 years ago Literature Lover said:
Really interesting story!! Great job!!
over 2 years ago Keri Breen said:
Love this. When Chris and Megan are wandering around in the blizzard, lost, with the guy following them, it reminded me of the Blair Witch Project, sort of. (People lost in the woods, blizzard, being followed/stalked, etc...) The ending was pretty good too. I didn't really expect Megan to be that shallow, but I also didn't expect Chris to jump on her that fast without really thinking. Great job!
over 2 years ago Kaitlyn G said:
I liked the beginning, but the end was pretty disappointing. I wasn't expecting Meagan to be so shallow. I was hoping she'd drop her new boyfriend and run back to Chris.
almost 2 years ago Isabel said:
I really liked this piece. It was strong and a really good idea, and also written very well. However, when Meagan went to visit Chris after he was rescued, she didn't act at all concerned about him, or what he had been through for the past year. She just gushed on about her new boyfriend. Even if we assume that Meagan is shallow and boy crazy, most girls would have the common sense not to blatantly shove the fact that while their boyfriend had been kidnapped, they had dated another guy with "beautiful blue eyes". Aside from that, it was really good.
over 2 years ago Carmine said:
I enjoyed this story a lot. I especially liked your hook, a basic sort of start, but creepy nonetheless. I can really imagine this as a screenplay.
The idea was also simple, and yet extremely creepy (sometimes simple is best, am I right?). You also did a really good job developing the idea of the story early on. However, at the same time I felt that the characters were a bit underdeveloped, especially Meagan. It's easy to just assume she's a bad person, but I don't really want to assume that. My English teacher once told me something that I think rings true in this case: "Don't should on people." I felt like the way you made her character was inviting people to tell her what she should have done, or what she shouldn't have done. The way I see it, she went into denial after the incident, and decided to forget about it. She became involved with Brad because he had saved her from imminent death, and we all know how the hero card plays into love. That's all I have to say about Meagan. For both Jacob and Christopher, it was unclear what they were like in person. It seemed to me that all we really knew was that Jacob played football, and Christopher had a girlfriend (and maybe also played football?). I didn't expect too much for these two, though, because they were kidnapped, so, yeah, they were kind of out of it for a while, but you could've maybe used Chris' thoughts about Jacob to give him character. You could've easily used Chris' house to help describe him, like saying "There were baseball trophies and pictures of Meagan scattered everywhere", or something like that. I was also a bit confused about the house itself; was it out in the wilderness or something, with neighbors a mile in each direction or something? If so, why weren't they running or anything? It all seemed too relaxed.
I'm sorry about all that gibberish^. I'm extremely verbose. But other than those aforementioned issues, I love it