She's A Lady

She's A Lady

2 chapters / 3994 words

Approximately 20 minutes to read

Description:

A road trip to remember.

Jonah Kross is feeling...conflicted. With his families future on one end and his dreams on the other this eighteen year old is well, conflicted.
All he wants out of life is to go to New York, spend all day in the art studio, and come home to an adoring boyfriend. Unfortuantly for Jonah, this doesn't seem to be in the cards.
Untill he meets Maddie.
Then he finds himself paired up with the gorgeus(and idiotic), James on a road trip of a lifetime from good ol' San Fran to the blazing lights of New York City. He runs into some weird people on the way (but not as much as Jason)and has to rescue Jason on numerous occasions.
Sure, it's a road race.
But Maddie has a few other things in mind. Because this trip isn't just about crossing the finishline, but learning to "appreiciate the travels, bro" as a street musician once said. Jonah's life is about to spin out of control and in a thousand directions.
This might be his story. But she is the one pulling the strings.

Comments(12)

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over 5 years ago Christina Tackett said:

I like it but i'm slightly confused. Is he bi or gay? If he's bi i can understand his reaction to the girl but if not then yeah I'm just confused. Please let me know if you add on.

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over 5 years ago Caroline said:

This was a really coool story! The characters and the descriptions are so strong (:

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over 5 years ago Beni Dieujuste said:

This story is very good so far! I giggled in a few parts and the overall plot is very well written. Keep going!:)

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over 5 years ago caroline was here said:

"She was referring to my coffee. It was kind of infamous for me to put odd foods into my coffee."

Ew! Sorry. That grossed me out. The biggest thing I see? Too much telling and not enough showing. Overall, nice job.

Reviews(1)

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over 5 years ago S.E.T. said:

Wow! I'm impressed! I did find a few grammar/spelling errors.

Chapter 1: "I knew her quirks: hates cheese...." I don't think that really flows well. Maybe you could be something like, "I knew her quirks, she hates cheese..." etc. The same goes for the "And she knew mine: anti-social..." You should probably hyphenate nick-knacks. Nick knacks looks like two words. Also, when you have them think right next to when they're talking, it looks like they're continuing to talk. "....."I am trying to act..." That should just be ', otherwise, like I said, it looks like they're continuing to speak.

Chapter 2: When you say, "I know my behavior worried Jasmine, frankly it worried a lot of people," it would probably flow better if you just made that two sentences. "I know my behavior worried Jasmine. Frankly, it worried a lot of people". Last thing. When he's looking at the pictures on the wall and comparing himself, there should be an extra 'o' in too. "Too short, too tall, eyes too bright..." etc. If I didn't say before, I think this is a really great story with a promising future. (Also, I'm not an expert. This is your story, and you are not obligated to change anything if you don't want to.) Keep writing! S.E.T.