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Approximately 4 minutes to read
She's desperate to be called the fairest by the looking-glass... even if it's a lie.
over 3 years ago ElliethePandaQueen said:
This was beautiful. Coincidentally, I'm writing a very different retelling of the same story, so I have a lot of respect for writers who do it justice. The detail and description was great, as well as word usage and flow. There are two comments I have, though. One, there was a confusing bit where you referred to Snow as "a" little girl twice. It seems almost like they're two different girls. I would just change it to "the" the second time.Also, and this is just the first chapter so I'm not saying add it right now, but make sure to develop a complex version of the Queen. She is vein, but you could add depth to make her more "real" and if not relatable, even more resent-able.
over 4 years ago Jack Pagliante said:
That was well written and pretty fascinating to read. I was hooked by your skills.
over 4 years ago Caitlynn Allen said:
I love it! The imagery and detail is amazing. You have a beautiful style of writing. I hope more comes soon because I really want to read it!!
almost 5 years ago Samantha Dee (aka Rowlee) said:
I loved this! Please add on to it!
over 5 years ago Ariella Ivashkov said:
Hi Misse! First off, I want to thank you for reading "Dare You Trust Me?" and giving the most thoughtful comment I've seen so far. I'll be sure to make that change as soon as I can. Now for "Fairest"...
Honestly? I loved it. I loved that the looking-glass morphs into its holder's persona, whether it be lovely or hideous. I love the vivid description of the looking-glass and how Adriane tries to cruelly wrench the jewels from their place. Your word choice is spot-on (something I really appreciate), and your writing has great flow as well. I wonder if it'd be neat if you gradually transitioned from calling Adriane by her name to "the Queen," which sounds more cold and removed (ooh ahh). You don't have to, but it's something you could try.
The only part I didn't quite understand was the last scene starting with, "Once upon a time, a girl entered the room..." I don't think I quite picked up on who this girl is. Is it a stranger? Or the Queen herself? And why is the Queen watching this scene unfold from behind a curtain?
Overall, this story rocks! I look forward to reading more of your writings (: