Want to follow along with this writing? Sign up Today, it's free and easy
Approximately 8 minutes to read
This story is based on a true story. A younge girl finding her way, pulled apart by her feelings for a boy who changed her life,Michael Hidalgo. I hope you enjoy! Amazing cover art by:Sarah A.
over 5 years ago J.L. Sharp said:
This looks good so far. I love the line that he is like a virus in her head. Just make sure that when they are kids, they really sound like kids. Maybe I was getting mixed up but they sounded like little adults. Good job!
over 5 years ago krystelle faulkener said:
It's an interesting plot, and I think that you could probably characterize Dawnalie or whatever her name is some more. Nice emotions though :3
over 5 years ago Maggie Skye said:
Wow. This is so... raw. And real. You can just feel the anger in her words. Nothing's held back. Well done!
almost 3 years ago BeatrixKiddo said:
This was really beautiful! There are some awesome metaphors in there and I especially love the one about the crowd at school being like a "wave" and her trying to swim through them...only, she can't swim. There are a few issues, like grammar and tense...the time changes had me a bit thrown as well, but I think the "meat" of the story is great. I hope you go more into who Michael is and what their relationship was. Also, I know she's aching for him to come back, but I'd like to know about who Dawnalie is outside of him.
over 5 years ago Kaycey said:
I really like it and I can relate, there are spelling mistakes, but like dana said they are easy to fix. It was a little jumpy, but other than that I really like it, keep going. And if you need some extra help there is this group that is called
"you can write" the admin is really good at giving advice. Or you can write on his wall. I'm not sure of his name but you can check on the group page.