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Approximately 8 minutes to read
This story is based on a true story. A younge girl finding her way, pulled apart by her feelings for a boy who changed her life,Michael Hidalgo. I hope you enjoy! Amazing cover art by:Sarah A.
over 2 years ago J.L. Sharp said:
This looks good so far. I love the line that he is like a virus in her head. Just make sure that when they are kids, they really sound like kids. Maybe I was getting mixed up but they sounded like little adults. Good job!
over 2 years ago krystelle faulkener said:
It's an interesting plot, and I think that you could probably characterize Dawnalie or whatever her name is some more. Nice emotions though :3
over 2 years ago Maggie Skye said:
Wow. This is so... raw. And real. You can just feel the anger in her words. Nothing's held back. Well done!
over 2 years ago Kaycey said:
I really like it and I can relate, there are spelling mistakes, but like dana said they are easy to fix. It was a little jumpy, but other than that I really like it, keep going. And if you need some extra help there is this group that is called
"you can write" the admin is really good at giving advice. Or you can write on his wall. I'm not sure of his name but you can check on the group page.
over 2 years ago ~*Dana*~ said:
Okay, so as I know a ton of people have told you, there are A LOT of spelling mistakes. But whatever, those are easy to fix.
I really liked the plot of the story and the flashbacks. I didn't like how you add a new chapter in between each chapter just to put the title "FLASHBACK" or "PRESENT TIME". I think you should put those at the beginnings of chapters, not as chapters themselves.
It also confused me at a lot of parts. I wasn't sure what was happening, and the timeline went back and forth and back and forth and I had to go back to see where I was at some points. Also, I think you should elaborate on the characters a little. I think the MC has a good, known personality set right now, but elaborate on Michael's.
Overall, I liked it and I hope you continue! xD