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What I See
1 chapter / 1404 words
Approximately 7 minutes to read
Description:
*One of the 5 winners of the Inspiring Lives Contest! :D* Drew hasn't visited his hometown since he left for college, and decides to come back on the 10th anniversary of his brother's death.
Comments(7)
over 1 year ago LeighAnn said:
aw i thought that the boy was gunna say he saw a ghost or something :D but this was good and sad ow the boy died :( good job
over 1 year ago Sofia J. said:
It's really sad, but it is beautifully written. Fantastic job!
over 1 year ago Salina Alicia said:
Woah that was great. I mean you write so well it was gripping and it had my full attention the whole time. Thought it was sad, I really liked the plot and the way you set it up. Great work keep writing
over 1 year ago Anande Sjöden said:
"The house that I played in. The house that we ate in. The house that my brother died in." These lines really hooked me.
This is excellently written. The flashback in the middle to Adam's death is gripping but not overly gruesome. I was a little confused at first, because I didn't realize that the story had switched narrators, so I had to go back and reread that part before I got that it was his brother talking.
I like that he gets closure at the end, and is able to leave his past behind. Still, it's a sad story.
Well done :)
Reviews(1)
about 1 year ago Ashley K. said:
A very moving story. I wasn't sure what to expect when I first started reading it, but I liked it a lot.
There are a few grammatical errors, I assume just typos, that could be caught with another read over them. Missing commas such.
Another suggestion, I would find a way to differentiate between the switch between characters. It just takes a moment to realize what's happening, but it would seem more seamless if maybe all of the brother's part of the story was in italics?
Just a suggestion. :)
Regardless, excellent work. Thank you for sharing.