Bullied

Bullied

7 chapters / 3218 words

Approximately 16 minutes to read

Description:

Suicide is a painful word to think about. A word that could happen to your best friend if you dont pay close attention, or to someone you pick you on. They didn't deserve to die and you and lots of other people feel guilty. Why did people have to do this to me. Soon it will be to late.

This is not true at all. Fictional story here.

Comments(40)

Me and jamielee

about 4 years ago Jodie Mullen said:

Hey, I know how you feel. I mean, I was always the one at school everyone would be embarassed if they got seen talking to me, I got left out alot. I get bullied online, everyday i get called a tramp, ugly, hideous, waste of space. And what makes it worse is? i' also bisexual which leads in more bullying. But remember there always something that can be done about it, I promise!

Leo_valdez

over 4 years ago Motie Enzo said:

the feels of being bullied :'( awesome writing my friend :) can you also read some of my stories (although i know it's really bad and ugly)

Piano

over 4 years ago Lela Sain said:

If you get a chance review Dont look down.

Img_5682

over 4 years ago M.A.Chase said:

I read the first three chapters. I'm generally not into the "Dear Diary" "Journal" thing. It lacks certain things that make a story flow. It was a nice plot and I really feel bad for her.

Reviews(4)

Image

about 6 years ago Naomi said:

Hey Sahara. This is really good, but maybe some more detail? I feel like I'm looking in from the outside when it;s suppose to be first person. It's a bit blurry. But still good. By the way, I love your Profile Picture!

Photo on 2012-05-04 at 20.15

about 6 years ago Brigid said:

Hey Sahara,

I see potential in this story––it's a good idea and it discusses a very important issue. But there are several things you could work on.

I think the most important thing for you to improve upon is showing rather than telling. You pretty much "tell" the entire story, when it would be more powerful if it was shown through detailed scenes. For example, more dialogues between characters would make the story more effective.

Secondly, I think you need to flesh out the story a bit more. I have a hard time believing that everyone teases Amy "just because." In my opinion, there should be a reason why everyone is so cruel to her. It could be something really simple––like that she just moved into town, or something. Right now it's hard to relate to her when there's no specific reason for her suffering.

Also, it may be a matter of opinion, but I'm not a big fan of the diary format. It didn't seem realistic in several parts, especially when Amy was taking the pills and writing in her diary at the same time. I just had trouble believing it.

But anyway, you're off to a good start. It's a good story, but it could use some reworking. Hope the feedback helps!

- Brigid