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Approximately 9 minutes to read
A work in progress.
A boy comes along an island and meets a girl with whom he falls in love with. Only one problem: she's getting married to someone else!
about 3 years ago Shammi said:
Beautiful story! :D
over 3 years ago Margaryta said:
I love the transition between the prologue and chapter one. It's something completely out of the blue and not at all what I expected. On that note all of this was fantastically written! I love how you showed us a bit of the characters' minds without revealing too much. There was good transition and a balance of everything here. Your story didn't lack anything. You have a hooking beginning and you've kept the reader's attention even in the next chapter.
over 4 years ago Jenna Rayman said:
Wonderfully written! Nice job! Very descriptive - kept me interested the whole time. You have a really nice style!
about 5 years ago Julia L said:
Is it over? I'd like to know what happens in the village.
over 4 years ago Mary Nichols said:
Well darn. Thought I had a pirate story here and you took it away and put me on a raft. Great. Just great. Even so, well written and you got me wanting to know what happens next. I do think there's time to flesh out your main character a little more and a little sooner. Other than that, great job!
over 5 years ago Anna M. Watson said:
Mmk...I like the idea. It sounds like it could become an interesting story. One thing you do need to do is make it clear within your first few lines that your protagonist is a boy. I didn't read the description and for whatever reason thought I was reading a girl the whole time. :P A name and age might also be nice. Yes, definitely more character description. Also, he has to worry about thirst a lot more than food at this point. People can live for more than a month without food, however, you can only go without water for about a week. Good start though. Keep it up!