3 chapters / 9282 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read


Emira is the daughter of a prestigious politician in the city of New Fest. Living an incredibly pampered life and always getting whatever she wants, except one thing. When you can have whatever you want, does excitement seem like too much to ask for? Apparently so, as Emira becomes the trigger to something much bigger that will shatter her idyllic life into thousands of pieces with almost no hope of putting the pieces back together again.



almost 7 years ago Janelle Labelle said:

oh, i'm a sucker for a well-imagined futuristic setting. the computer-bots are cute, and the dysfunctional family seems to belong in such a setting. and i like that you put her in the wealthiest sector, because when i immerse myself in escapist fiction, i like it to be really escape-y ... looking forward to reading more! and finally, re: Kyla Denae's post (page 7 of the comments) i think if you reworded "revile" to "revulsion" it would be great :).

Profile - copy

almost 7 years ago Matthew Barriena said:

I'm waiting for the guns and warfare tags to come true :D


almost 7 years ago M.H. said:

This is AMAZING!


almost 7 years ago C.A Salman said:

That was fantastic. I only got through the first chapter and plan to read the second one tomorrow. It's really pulling me in. Keep going.



almost 7 years ago kyla denae said:

I laughed so hard at Cyne. She was hilarious. *ahem* Anyway. At first, I thought your MC ("Miss" Emira) was a boy. And then Cyne called her miss, and I was kind of O.O ... but that was just my reading, and my mental picture, and that's okay. Good job with drawing me in, period. :)

There are a couple places where you add/remove letters...for instance, somewhere near page two or three I think, you put "know" in place of "now". Just little things like that, and they're no biggie, but they kind of made me stop and have to think before I went on. Anyway.

I think that, maybe, unless this is going to be a short story, you ought to make the information about the archtypes and stuff...flow better. And the whole explanation of how the archtypes are chosen is...well, it just seems superflous to me. I mean, I seriously had to resist the urge to skim it just now because, frankly, how the archtypes are chosen is not half as important to me as just the fact that they exist, and that they're kind of creepy. I would focus on that, and cut out all the technical mumbo-jumbo, or at least wait to explain it all until at least chapter 2, maybe later. :)

So yes. Just a couple little things like that. Stay away from info-dumping, and I think you have a most wonderful book here that I would most likely pick up in a store and buy. :))

When the dead walk we run

almost 7 years ago A.K.A101 said:

This is an orignal plot and I love your mc. However you have a bad habit of info dumping, which means giving us backround info in big burst. Just let us know naturaly and the book will inprove tremendously because of it. Good luck!