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Approximately 2 minutes to read
over 5 years ago Carolyn Betts said:
I'm going to be honest, I was bored. You had many run-on sentences that were hard to understand. By using the repetitive "she is," you're being far too blunt. You also state things twice, you say they never stayed in one place, then you say they moved around a lot. We could infer that from the previous statement, you didn't need to state it on it's own.
My advice, be more descriptive and allude to what you're tring to say. The way you describe the mother is good. You let the audience infer that she's unique and a bit zany. Show me your characters, don't tell me about them.
You're on the right track and I hope this didn't discourage you.
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