Want to follow along with this writing? Sign up Today, it's free and easy
Approximately 4 minutes to read
*Winner of the Inspiring Lives Contest* Tori has no place to call home. That's because five years ago, her parents decided to ruin her life- at least according to her.
over 3 years ago MEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! said:
Its good but it kind of hits a deadend other than that it is perfection
over 3 years ago T. L. LaRoo said:
I like this. It's well written, and Tori has a clear, strong voice. I only have two points to consider. 1), the sentence where she's explaining about how she and her bff were trying to cry her parents into submission is kinda long, and could easily be split. And 2), I would appreciate just a little bit more description around the Christof scene - just a little something like where he is in relation to the tour group, or what color and texture his hair is (curly blond?). Think stuff that will help the reader envision the scene. And also, I'm hoping there will be more! It doesn't have to be a lot more, but it feels like this is going somewhere, and we've just been introduced to it. Looking forward to the rest of the trip! :)
over 3 years ago Freddy Yun said:
Imo, a sixteen-year old girl isn't really safe with a guy, especially in a foreign country.
"eleven...fast forward five years" So she's sixteen...and she's already dated 47 boys and is kind of complaining that she's single? That's what you get from traveling the world?
over 4 years ago Jenna L said:
I love the voice of the main character! It draws the reader in immediately. Tori's very likable and easy to relate to. I didn't catch any mistakes, and it's very well-written. I could see this becoming a longer story, but you gave us just the right amount of information for it to be as short as it is.
about 5 years ago S. M. Brown said:
before i start i want to say, i love this!
okay, the character in here is amazing. You may not know much about her, but the way she talks you can just relate her to someone.
she has the perfect amount of sarcasm and wit, which i adore!
i think for a short story this is amazing, you really tell the story thoroughly.
maybe sometime we could swap?