Whispers

Whispers

1 chapter / 894 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

*FINALIST IN BAYERN CONTEST*
Annabee is spending her last days in the natural surroundings of Mystic, her small town. Ever since her mother died, the pain of being at Mystic was to hard for her father and sister, but Annabee wants to say. Forced to move, Annabee spends her last hours in Mystic in the Garden, where she can connect with nature more than the normal person can. Her voice is an enchanted melody, and all the birds and nature around always stop to listen, and this is the only way she connect with Mystic, and she wants to keep it a secret, her gift, for it will be her own personal memory of the town of Mystic, and it's 'enchanted' garden.

COVER CREDIT: SarahScreams

Genres:

Short Story, Poetry

Comments(52)

E21481bc8b34a1dea9a29334f55ab390

almost 3 years ago E. Anderson said:

You should join Poetry People, it's a really cool group!

_mg_2877s

almost 5 years ago Krystal Fragoso said:

So sad and beautifully written! The emotion was fantastic for under 900 words. Your descriptions were nice too. I was able to connect with your MC, and she seemed real to me. Great job!

Grey-wolf_565_600x450

almost 5 years ago Kelly Woodard said:

I love all the descriptions and emotions in this. Very cute and nice. I live the plot of this and I hope you do well in the competition. :)

Images

almost 5 years ago Calypso Kaden said:

Nice! Vivid descriptions and emotion, along with nice plot. Great job!

-CK

Reviews(10)

Screen shot 2017-03-26 at 11.34.41 pm

almost 5 years ago B said:

I thought the overall concept of your story was really interesting, and maybe you could go on with her story of grief and acceptence. However, there were a few minor critiques I have for you. First of all, there were a few run-on and awkward sentence and phrases. With that said, my best advice would be to read your story outloud to yourself, it is the best way to find words that flow well together. Second, this is just a personal choice but when you mention that the birds fly away from her it seems a little un realistic. I get why you added it, but I think it would be better without that. I just cannot imagine birds seeing a girl moping and just KNOW something is wrong. Other than those minor details, I like your story a lot and think the use of imagery was spot on and I hope my critiques help. *In return for the swap (Sorry it is late)

186325_100001444158240_2051641871_n

over 5 years ago Celina Emma said:

*for our forum swap*

Hey(: Just so you know, I write this while I'm reading, so you know exactly what I'm thinking while I'm reading your story. I find it is the best way to see what your readers think of it.

I feel like this is a fairy tale. The names of the girls and the city's. The only thing that is telling me its not are the states.

I honestly don't have anything to say, and I'm so sorry. All I have are good things to say. This is a sad story, you really feel the pain the girl is going through when she realizes that her mother is really gone. And it breaks my heart. But that's so good. (For you.) It means you're a good writer. Also, the reason I have almost nothing to say is because this is basically perfect.

Good job(: