Want to follow along with this writing? Sign up Today, it's free and easy
Approximately 7 minutes to read
"Despair so potent that I could taste it in my mouth flooded through me." Cover made by inktwister.
over 2 years ago Scarlett Frost said:
I love this! Just one thing-describe the background/setting and Roxanne and Death. Otherwise, great!
over 2 years ago Selena Brooks said:
Your opening was very strong, and I really liked the descriptions. I want to know what Roxanne is going to do to help her XD I like your MC and her voice, and how you presented her problem right at the beginning of the novel to hook your readers. Great work!
over 3 years ago Jasmine Shabazz said:
In a weird way I kinda liked this, well the idea. I feel like you could really go into more detail. Where are they? What does it smell like? What does Roxanne look like? What does Thann look like? Why does he chose now to feel angry over his sentence? Does he look human? Go more into his thoughts and slow down the pace. Other than those things its interesting.
almost 5 years ago C. A. Stevens said:
I love Than. I'm just going to say that now. And Roxanne. The way you play them off each other is just perfect and I love the dialogue between them. The way Than experiences emotion and his fascination with Roxanne draws me in and I'd love to know his story of how he came to be banished from Hell. Great work! I thought I'd just add that I enjoyed where you started, just jumping right in. It was perfect.
over 3 years ago Adrianne Etheridge said:
I loved this, the imagery and descriptions were very alive, I felt like I was there. The struggle between Roxanne and Thann felt real. I loved the unexpected twist of who the POV was from. Very good job!
over 4 years ago Emma Dilemma said:
Wow, I really loved this. I loved Roxanne's feisty personality and Than's explosive one. Great voice and poetic imagery- I can't seem to find anything I'd change. It reads like an excerpt from a longer story, but works as a stand-alone piece as well. Very nice job :)