I Can't Say...

I Can't Say...

13 chapters / 7646 words

Approximately 38 minutes to read

Description:

Sunset Grey is in Fairview Mental Hospital for schizophrenia.
Nico Le Blanc is in the same mental hospital for an addiction to sex.
Jasper Hart is also at Fairview for an addiction to drugs.
Their fate lies in the hands of Sunset’s homicidal hallucination and an electroshock machine.
NOTE: Sexual context, Foul/inappropriate language, Drug references, Violence

Comments(6)

Mbc 2

over 1 year ago Zemira said:

This was good. And scary. Is this a true story? Are you schizophrenic?

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over 1 year ago Julia Schutz said:

Uh okay this is different but i like it. Are you going to write more?

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about 2 years ago Noverr said:

Amazing! It needs more explanation but it would make great book!

Anime-witch-cards

over 2 years ago Aryanna Marston said:

I love your writing your amazing.

Reviews(4)

Yours

over 1 year ago Sarah M. Line said:

The concept you chose is very different, and I loved it. You made your characters seem like people as opposed to patients, like society often views those in mental institutions. My advice to you is to do a little more research with regards to mental institutions and schizophrenia. If you're going to write about it, you have to make it completely believable. Some aspects in your story seemed realistic, but others (like the fact that a patient suffering from schizophrenia is allowed to walk around unchaperoned) seemed unreal. There were also a few technical errors (spelling, run-ons, verb tense) that can be easily fixed. You're obviously a good writer, so those errors are very limited. It might also be really cool to add more in about Sunset's family, and more to the epilogue. You make your audience fall in love with Sunset, so why not give them more details about her life? Overall, great concept and writing, with just a few suggestions. Good luck! :)

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almost 2 years ago MissyCinna_HP97 said:

Very well done. I read the reviews and comments to before I read this and I can see you've fixed all your grammar and spelling mistakes. I love the storyline and the different personalities of the patients that relate to their mental illness. All I can really say to improve it, is to add more description. What the room looks like, what were surrounding the characters involved and how it made them feel. Books should provide vivid images for the reader to see in their head and more description of the surroundings does exactly that. Don't do what Stephanie Meyer did though. She wrote an entire chapter of description so she didn't have to describe them again. Don't shadow your story with too much description but just bits here and there so that the readers can really see what's going on. But other than that, very well done :)