To the Moon: A Voyage

To the Moon: A Voyage

39 chapters / 17205 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read


Without an online audience, my writing would only be shared between a group of five people. Now i can share my work all throughout the world. It is really nice to have people comment, and even criticize my work. This allows me to grow and become a better writer. Thank you to everyone that has ever ready any of my things on here. It means a lot!


Lion! again!

over 5 years ago Jade♪ said:

This is really good! You write it like it is, making it really easy to see what's going on. Your words just flow together. Great job!! :)


over 5 years ago Chelsea said:

this is REALLY good!! :)


over 5 years ago NotAnna said:




over 5 years ago Ms. B said:

Really, really great start! I find all of the characters interesting (especially Alexander); and I really like the premise, with the characters determined to get the space program back "online" one day. (I really liked the line, "I will get this country back to the moon." -- powerful stuff there.) Great start, with a good and solid introduction to all the characters. I'm looking forward to reading more.


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over 5 years ago Kross said:

(Sci-Fi writing and review group Admin) I read up to part two. (I have my word quota today, too.) I liked it. It all seemed so...realistic. But, I have a few main...nags.

One, is you have no description of any character, or what the ship looks like. I just always pictured the space shuttle Discovery. I just put generic faces onto your main characters.

Two, there was just a few grammatical errors. I think you had one run on sentance. But, well done on that. Most figs don't care for "grammar."

Three, there wasn't much action, or suspence. But, I did think oh no, when they lost comms.

Four, you jumped way ahead. You never told how the MCs met, or got involved in NASA. It was just suddenly BAM!!! They were the crew for the moon. How did they get recomended? What did they do to garner such respect?

Now, for the things I liked.

You know your tech and science. That is great, I love science. I also love NASA, and was destroyed when Obama said it was done. You definatly do it justice. The whole thing kinda read like a newspaper article though.

I like how you introduced the main characters, and you are great with dialouge.

Overall, keep up what you're doing, work on that description, and I'll stay hooked. Great start. I'll finish it later. Good luck with NaNoWriMo11, cause...I'm not getting any. Lol. 2,400 words! Woo-hoo.

Hercules 14 (2)

over 5 years ago Lou Odenkirk said:

From the “Becoming Better Writers Group”, (You’re piece caught my attention although I wish I knew more about NASA to help. I’m only good with NASA/aviation history on an elementary level since I help teach kids about it where I work.)

Chapter One,

Always remember that the first line should serve as your attention grabber. Your first sentence sort of falls out a little flat.

Don’t they call it the Johnson Space Center? That might just be me because I used to live by there and that’s how I always understood everything.

“GO” Don’t put the word in all caps. If you’re going to stress one word then put it in italics to empathize on this point.

“Roger that. . .” After this dialogue, provide a dialogue tag so the reader without a doubt understands who’s speaking. Then break into a new paragraph. It helps pull out this point for the reader, put a focus on that before you start your new paragraph. After all, break to a new paragraph when you have a new idea.

“had quieted to just a whisper” This was awkward. Sometimes or more like, most of the time, you won’t need to use the word ‘had’ especially when everything is already in the past tense. “All around him the talking quieted to just a whisper.” See, the flow is better and the sentence is a lot stronger.

I wasn’t quite sure of the purpose throughout the first chapter. I have yet to finish but I felt like you were simply summing of information about something that actually happened instead of executing the plot to a novel. Introduce the scenes, build suspense if you feel the need. Introduce characters and make them real for your audience. Build the scene. Create the scene and keep the reader on the edge of their seat.

I don’t know if you need a capital “s” in “Space Shuttle”. I don’t recall ever seeing it spelled out in such a way. This could be my ignorance.

The ending of your first chapter needs some sort of hook. Meanwhile, you tie everything up nicely. Again, remember, introduce the plot and the suspense. This then will help the reader start an interest in your piece and continue reading.

Good luck with writing, --Lou Odenkirk