Zara and the Flashing Ring

Zara and the Flashing Ring

2 chapters / 1137 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Description:

This is a story about a ring that has powers in it. It can transform who-ever is wearing it to a different place. I wrote this when I was eleven years old so....

Comments(6)

1master1[1]

over 3 years ago Artist Formerly Known as James said:

Sorry about the Early Access code thing on Gilden Rule, it should be fixed now. We definitely need more people to notice the sci-fi A.W.E.S.O.M.E. I'll try promotion on the forums.

Wrath

almost 4 years ago Jordan Newton said:

The list and all of the things is on the actual http://figment.com/books/17784-A-W-E-S-O-M-E-SCIENCE-FICTION-WEEK-1 . It's all split up into separate chapters.

Homechocolate

almost 4 years ago kainaima (the first) said:

hi, i think i'm on the list for a.w.e.s.o.m.e science fiction so i read your piece. I'm posting my review now

Wrath

almost 4 years ago Jordan Newton said:

Story being added to list, make sure to spread the word about what we're trying to do!

Reviews(4)

1master1[1]

almost 4 years ago Artist Formerly Known as James said:

Grammatical stuff: '1,000 claws' should probably be 'a thousand.' 'unsuspected question' might be better replaced with 'unexpected question.' 'awhile' is not a word: 'a while' is what you meant, I think. Also, you didn't put a closing quotation mark when Owen says (I'm paraphrasing here): "I know he'll say yes."

You might want to address how old the kids are, because Owen seems quite childish talking about how boys have better hearing, and I've no idea how old Zara could be. I don't think it would be very obvious that the cat wanted Zara to follow it. Perhaps Zara could have several encounter with the cat, in which Misty ends up pulling her out of bed. Nice premise, can't wait to see what happens after the MAGIC tornado.

Profile - copy

almost 4 years ago Matthew Barriena said:

Well then... Let's begin! First off that was a really good look if she was able to convey that much in a simple stare. Secondly the kids speak at too high a level of english to then randomly start talking about which gender has better hearing. Thirdly the part with the "MAGIC" was really quite random. I think it should be discused more like she doesn't understand what's going on rather then someone telling us that it's magic.

Besides all that though the was a nice piece and pretty interesting. It also sounds a bit like "The Magician's Nephew" in which they also have magical teleporting rings.