Night Hearts

Night Hearts

6 chapters / 7992 words

Approximately 40 minutes to read

Description:

Destiny, living a normal life, suddenly runs into the world her mother tried to protect her from. When a prophacy made years before began to come true, the Dark Kings of a world called Marnethia, do everything they can to stop it. What Destiny soon finds out is that Jake is not only hot guy she met at school, but a shape-shifter. She begins a dangerous journey to find a mysterious group called the Circle who rebeled against the Dark Kings when they came to power. Along the way Destiny meets new people of this world, Marnethia. She also learns she has powers that are growing every day, but are they any match for the Dark Kings who she one day must fight?

Comments(5)

Sparkles

over 6 years ago Stephanie Adamson said:

I only read the first chapter, but I know that something bad will happen at the dance. And you seem to go a little too fast. Great job and I love it!

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over 6 years ago Marissa Steidl said:

Really good story. Needs more details but I like it! I can be bossy like Sabrina sometimes. Teehee...:)

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over 6 years ago DJC said:

I've only read two chapters so far, and I like it so far, but one thing-8th graders aren't normally 15 are they? I was 15 in sophomore year. I'm 17 in my senior year now. That just puzzled me a little was all lol. Anyway, this is good so far and it's already into action, which is great! :) Can't wait to read more. By the way-I love Destiny's name ;)

Blue flower

over 6 years ago Emily Shelton said:

A nice start, but I would add more detail. Also, go back and run through for general spelling, grammar, flow etc. That would definitely improve the story. Overall, nice job.

Reviews(2)

Girl playing piano 2

over 6 years ago Luna L. said:

This is really cool! However, there are some definite points to improve upon. Here's what I liked:

1. You managed to tell a supernatural story without it sounding totally weird (or weird at all).

2. I liked the characters.

3. The whole storyline is really interesting, and I can't wait to read more - it pulls me in.

4. Lots of great action.

Here's what you could improve upon (okay, I just wanted to let you know, I can be a pretty harsh critic, so don't feel discouraged - I'm a perfectionist x10 :P)

1. Spelling and grammar: This is a really important part of any story, and you should try typing this up on a Word Document because Word has grammar and spelling checks, whereas Figment does not... :(

2. Backstory: This is another really important part of any story... I feel like I jumped in without understanding most of what happened before.

3. Setting description: I don't really know where everything happens.

But don't worry, I am a pretty harsh critic sometimes, and this is just an amazing piece with a ton of potential. I really want to read more, so consider yourself followed! -Luna

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almost 7 years ago Rachel E. ward said:

This is good you have a couple spelling mistakes but other than that you are an awesome writer and you should write lots more!