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Approximately 12 minutes to read
Cecelia always had a crush on Michael. Talk about toxic relationship. He was killing her, and now, using her. What can she do. She can't control her magic, she can't leave, her heart refuses to fight...
over 4 years ago Natasha V. said:
This is really creepy! You've managed some incredibly descriptions here, and I love them. It does seem a bit rushed, though, and so maybe you could add in some detail and such. Also, the big paragraphs are kind of hard to read sometimes. I would suggest breaking them up a bit. But overall, awesome story! I love this. :)
almost 5 years ago Katie ZaBAM said:
Whoa, what a uniquely thrilling story! I really like the plotline in this one, although I must agree, the ending felt a little rushed. But I understand there's a word limit, so there's really not much you can do, huh? Anyway, good luck in the contest! (^_^)
almost 5 years ago Elisabeth Allen said:
I liked it. You should consider making a longer version where you can explain more things and make it more colorful.
almost 5 years ago Jack York said:
over 4 years ago Katelynn Vantas said:
Hey Michaela! It's Katelynn from school. Yes so I actually did take the time to make a figment account /just/ to review your story. It was flustering.
Anywho on with the review!
I am going to give you constructive criticism which I believe is what you're looking for:
So the story was really really good. I WANT MORE YOU LEAVE ME WITH CLIFF HANGER WHYYyyY!11!1!
It had an interesting plot and was for the most part well-written.
You had some spelling and gramatical errors. You used the word "slid" a lot.
Congratulations on making the sci-fi nerd enjoy a paranormal story. I'm not much of a paranormal fan though my view of paranormalcy was kinda ruined by Twilight so. As I said before I need another chapter or update or something whatever you do on this website GODDAMN YOU HOW DO YOU LEAVE ME WITH THIS???
And yes that is all I can think of saying so.
Love you see ya tomorrow
over 4 years ago Phil F. said:
All below is my humble opinion, and I AM only trying to help. With that in mind, continue reading this review.
Okay. First things first. You HAVE to break up those giant paragraphs. They're huge, and readers hate seeing giant blocks of text without indentations. Split your paragraphs, like, all of them, and a lot. Where as you have one paragraph, in reality you should have like, three, or four. I can't emphasis that enough. Split it up.
The flow of your story needs work. The dialogue is a bit messy, and where you have decent character development and back story, the order in which you put them is a tad off. Your descriptions aren't bad, but you can always improve on those. Right below this review, is another that talks about how you rushed. I couldn't agree with them more. What's the rush? It isn't poetry, you can expand and linger on each subject and event and detail of your story for as long as you like, so, please, linger more.