House of Iron and Ivy

House of Iron and Ivy

1 chapter / 1615 words

Approximately 8 minutes to read

Description:

**PLEASE READ!!** Herold is at the end of his rope when he receives his grandfathers home. At first it seems like a great deal, but soon unexpected events start to occur. As the house undergoes a series of transformations, Herold becomes distrought. He has no where to turn to, but the single warning his grandfather left him: Wait for the mail, beware the sprial staircase.

Comments(19)

27

almost 5 years ago K.E.Andrews said:

I enjoyed the story and there are a few spelling errors. Be a bit more descriptive to bring out the age and creepiness of the house.

Images

almost 5 years ago Calypso Kaden said:

Wow. Very creepy. This is...really good. Like the other comments said, show, don't tell. Other than that, great job!

-CK

Photo on 2011-06-04 at 13.18

about 5 years ago RumbleroarRedvines said:

I love love love the tone of this.

Me and king 2

over 5 years ago Tori Lutz said:

So strange... and unique... I like it

Reviews(7)

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over 5 years ago Mad Hatter said:

Swap for Upon Waking

This is very irking. Even if this is a rough draft, do readers the common curtsey of doing a once over for grammar and spelling issues. There are plenty, and I am only two paragraphs in. I'm not, however, going to go through and point them all out due to their frequency, and I've noticed many reviews/comments before mine that point some of them out.

Also, right off the hop, remember to show instead of tell. Don't tell us that there is an envelope sitting on the top of Harold's fridge. Show us through in actions, thoughts, and dialog. You are also lacking in character drive. Since you tell instead of showing, I don't feel involved with Harold, or the story. I'm unable to put myself in his shoes. This is again, achieved by defining the character through their actions, thoughts, and dialog.

'He was very uneasy...' - A prime example. Don't tell readers that he's uneasy, SHOW it. Try to write by never saying the characters emotions. Try to SHOW the readers what they're feeling instead. Uneasy: his palms might be sweating, his heart could be giving odd jolts, and his stomach filled with fluttering butterflies trying to escape.

Why would Harold cancel his rent before even assessing his grandfather's house? I find that very unrealistic.

How could this house that has seven floors in total, make a decent two story house? Two stories means it has two floors. You can't have a house that its built for seven stories turn into a two story.

Overall, I believe the story to have amazing potential, but the execution would do with some work. I main suggestions would be: Show instead of telling, perhaps slow the pace down for the ending feels extremely rushed, and delve deeper into Harold's character. This feels as though it needs expanding as well. You can't offer a mystery with no solution. At least hint at a solution for the sake of interest. But, that aside, I enjoyed the read. Good luck with this piece!

2015-07-31

almost 6 years ago Agan Naga said:

There are a few grammar mistakes: 'aunt' in the phrase, "His aunt’s, uncles, and parents..." shouldn't be possesive.

'scrapped' should be 'scraped' in the phrase, "...which scrapped already peeling, pale yellow paint..." You should also add the word 'the' between 'scraped' and 'already'

The sentence, "Puzzled Herold went inside, the pictures in hand," should be "Puzzled, Harold went inside, the pictures in hand."

'I' in the phrase, "I was a quiet street..." should be replaced with 'It"

In the phrase, "Harold, confused and puzzled carried on with his week..." There should be a comma between 'puzzled' and 'carried'

I am not going to restate the errors Brianna had already pointed out.

Despite all of these errors, this is a good read, although short. I like a strange story like this, but I have one question: Is it Harold, or Herold, lthe way sou spelled it in the desc. and once in the book?