5 chapters / 11732 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read


COMPLETE AND BEING REVISED. :D I'm not going to be posting any more chapters BUT if you are interested in reading more LET ME KNOW! Here is a summary:
Ava Anderson's life is far from normal. She is stuck with one leg, all due to her neurological, tumor-causing disorder, Neurofibromatosis. This led her to the Special-Needs class, when she really should be with the other kids . Every day Ava is looked at strangely, because she is different. Fortunately, she has her best friend Jerry and fellow classmates who are always by her side, and who also understand the rude people and pain society hands them on a daily basis.

However, Ava's ninth grade year promises big changes. And these changes aren't exactly good. The bullying worsens, and she finds herself losing people she loves dearly, as well as facing the ones who left her in the past. Ava has always handled her depression and the taunts thrown at her well, but will this year be too much? Will she continue to withstand the hurt and bullying, or will the monster deep inside her and all around society finally cause her to break? ©2012-2013 by Liza K, all rights reserved


Writing, Novel, Drama



over 4 years ago Ophie said:

Ooh, a badass girl in a wheelchair. I like it! I also think that Ava is really beautiful, just like her sisters. I'm upset that her own siblings would treat her like that... but I also may be a little bit in love with Jerry... maybe... a little... :)


over 4 years ago Alicia Hu said:

Good job!


over 4 years ago Ricochet said:

Great write. This is definitely a different story than the ones that I have read recently. You did great, you just missed a couple of spaces in places. Hey that rhymed!:)


almost 5 years ago Katelyn Woodyard said:

Your grammar, it's okay. Not too much to worry about. Your story development: You have written a Mary sue. I'm sorry. But I want to help. One, where in the hell did all these kids come from?!?!? And their names.... A bit out there. Not saying unique names are bad, but they don't all need a unique name. Two, Ava is not magical. She should not be able to stand up and literally fight. She has one leg. It'd be difficult. Plus, she's literally the only person to get the kid out of her shell??? Sorry, but the poor child is still a bit too beaten down. Have her put up a little fight. Show her struggling mothers. Have all of them there showing support for the girl when she takes a bite of food. Not just miss magic. Three, no more verbal fights with the voices. They can allbe internal. Four, absentee dad? Nonexistant birth mother? Abuse at school and home (the latter of which showed no previous signs of instability) big no no. Your character can be in tragic circumstances, but dont just randomly throw them in. Five, most schools place special needs by academic and physical only if it's a blind/deaf senario (in which it becomes a hindrance to learning) if she doesnt need to be in the special classes, she shouldn't be in them. She can voulenteer with tutoring, though. Six, can she be more confrontational and bitchy? Ava's not helping her social case by being mean to every single person she comes across. Even if they're mean, smile and show she doesn't stoop to their level. Seven, internet fame is interesting. Put her YouTube views at a reasonable level. Around 1,000 is plenty. Most singer's channels dont make it big. Sorry. Maybe after the talent show? I know I probably sound mean, but I'm not trying to be mean. Your grammar skills are okay (although I'm really not reading for them) it's your story skills. Hope this helps.



over 4 years ago Cyprus said:

Thank you for joining the group. As promised, here is your review. As stated in the discussion, I will only be reading the first chapter.

I like the use of names, but be careful with those. Giving all/the bulk of your characters crazy, exotic names will get confusing for your reader. You may way to cut down on some of those. It's your choice, of course, but I would limit yourself to 2 exotic names.

Otherwise, it was a good read. I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical errors, you have that nailed down. Not a new concept, but you know that. You have put a fresh outlook on it. Bullying is something that most people face at one point or another, and usually don't have a choice in the matter. You take that concept and add your own story to it. And that's what makes this piece great.


over 4 years ago Yours truly, Zong said:

Well, this was unexpected, but I really enjoyed it. :D At first you didn't really present to me your request for a review and I didn't feel interested in it at first, but it was late and I was eating red curry soup so I decided to check it out. I'm glad I did, because I loved it. I'm not a fan of the use of the stereotypical high-school because of the bullying, but I enjoyed it still! Now personally, I despise bullying. I HATE bullying, I wish it never existed. I've never been bullied, but I've seen it and it disgusted me. I thought maybe it would have been nice if Ava could have gotten a prosthetic leg instead of a wheelchair, but that's just my opinion. I'm very interested to know her relationship with Jesse, I wonder what had happened between them, why they aren't friends anymore.

The use of names were pretty exotic. Zemson, Lunetta and Blaize. I don't think these characters were really important but I liked their names, instead of individually naming kids from the block that got on the bus, it would have been easier not to name them since they didn't play a big role, unless they will eventually!

Nonetheless, I really enjoyed this and how surprising it is! I'm glad I took the time to read this and I hope your next chapter comes out soon. ;D -Yours truly, Knight