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Approximately about 4 hours to read
A modern Fairy Tale. Work in progress.
Updates and notes on my blog here:
8 months ago Alexandr Lukin said:
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over 2 years ago Pigeonfollower said:
I am so mad at you. I have been obsessively reading this (again) and you. Stopped right before it was getting really really good. So mad
over 3 years ago Anna and Avalon Chevalier said:
Can you please please please please continue it and update it???? I want to know more! How do Hayden and Victoria end up? What's the secret that Hayden has?
If you haven't noticed, I am not very patient. :P
almost 4 years ago Rhonda said:
Can't wait to read more! I just reread a bunch of it haha
about 4 years ago R. Soland said:
--Paragraph One: “, and” should be followed by subject-verb. (ex. “, and I try”)
--Gosh, everything reminds her of everything!
--Six hours in a car next to Hayden. This scene is basically ripped straight out of my life, except for the fact that I’m not a princess and I’m not engaged. On my way home from a mission trip, I sat by my crush for the whole TEN-hour drive in the back of the car. It was pretty awesome.
--“The others and per-occupied?” What does this mean? I’m not sure if this is a really wacky typo or just a phrase I don’t understand… Maybe “the others are preoccupied?”
--AW. OHMYGOODNESS. I was like, chill, Tory. He’s a guy. He has other interests. Yeah, it’s disappointing, but that’s the way life is. Plus, Tory, you were interested in other guys, too, so chill. AND THEN I was like AW! :’) (No matter what, he doesn’t only mean the engagement!)
--ENDING OF CHAPTER 106 WAS ADORABLE! OHMYGOODNESS FIND ME ONE OF THOSE BOYS!
--Before Hayden says, “Yeah, that’d be nice,” his actions seem a little too narrated. For such a basic action, keep description simple, such as “he puts his arm around me and squeezes my shoulder.” What you have just sounded awkward.
--“Did you sleep at all?” followed by a laugh? I don’t get the joke…
--SHE LOVES THE SIGHT OF HIM! This story makes me so happy(:
--Oh. The flashback is so sad. (But is it really cause for tears? I’d retink that… maybe make the flashback less cliche, more evolved, and add more personality to it- more of an emotional attachment- you're almost there, and then she can have tears! If this doesn't make sense, please let me know because it's late and I'm tired and I might not make sense)
--Make the first two sentences of the last paragraph one compound-complex sentence. Heightens level of writing ability.
--GREAT WORK OH MY GOODNESS YOU SHOULD JUST WRITE ALL THE TIME LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU UPDATE BECAUSE I MISSED 106 AND I ONLY REALIZED I MISSED IT WHEN I SAW YOU ADDED 107!
--Seriously though, you’re frackin’ amazing, but you know what I’m waiting for? Another dramatic twist! It’s about that time, y’know…
I like how she fakes a smile, THEN she grins. Makes it more real!(:
Alec’s (true) assumption was a little random and sudden and I feel like the conversation needs to transition into it more.
MAN I JUST WISH ASHTON WOULD GO AWAY. I WANT TO KICK HIM.
I’m not sure I know exactly what Ashton lied about? I’m sure you brought it up a while ago, but I’ve forgotten, and now all discussion on it is really vague and unspecific to details.
LOVE HAYDEN’S ENTRANCE AT THE END. ADORBS.