A Bruised Heart

A Bruised Heart

2 chapters / 1927 words

Approximately 10 minutes to read

Description:

William Becker is a homicide detective, having followed in his father's footsteps. He wanted the adventure, mystery and challenge that his Dad spoke of in bedtime stories--but something his father never mentioned were the tragedies that could befall him, and those he loved while on the job.

Will now struggles to regain what he used to have, all the while battling emotional challenges like depression and sudden rage without a source. There's no way it will be easy--

The question is can he do it?
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Cover By: Electric Yumminess

Genres:

Action, Romance, Novel

Comments(12)

The sky

about 6 years ago Elizabeth Bells said:

A very descriptive writing. I love this :) Well done!!!

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about 6 years ago Monica said:

this is sad... but really really good :) keep up the good work

Alternative-black-hair-cute-girl-monroe-piercing-favim.com-72374

about 6 years ago Olive Creed said:

Gah, I meant to leave this a review. Sorry! ._. I also meant to say, that I didn't see anything wrong grammar wise or anything, minus a couple mis-spelt words! Again, GREAT job!!

Alternative-black-hair-cute-girl-monroe-piercing-favim.com-72374

about 6 years ago Olive Creed said:

Wow, this is really good! I wish I could help give you some ideas, but all I can say is: I hope you keep working on this! This was so sad, yet so moving! Keep up the AMAZING work! -Olive

Reviews(5)

Onetoughcookie

about 6 years ago Taylor Virgin said:

I liked it but I think you could make you're dialogue better. Like when Will said "That's me alright," I didn't think it was necessary. Better dialogue is the only thing I think you need to fix.

Butterfly-with-flowers

about 6 years ago Lily Nightwind said:

Firstly, I agree with everything that Anna J. (the previous reviewer) said.

Secondly, my review is slightly more critical. I am only offering these critiques because I think you are a good writer and this story, with more development, could be very good.

Make us care about your characters! If we don't know your characters, we won't be sad or happy for them. I honestly felt nothing when the main character's wife was shot. She didn't mean anything, since we did not know her. You need to do this with your main character ESPECIALLY. I had no idea what was going through his mind at any given moment. His behavior seemed completely erratic - all sad and depressed, then angry, then excited. You're going to need to explain how he feels more. Show us how HE sees things.

In the beginning, around the part where the wife gets shot, the writing isn't the best. It's a little confusing the way things are organized. The flashback, in my opinion, was poorly written. I was shocked at how briefly and insignificant the death of the partner was. I also didn't understand how the man could be so uncaring that his partner had died right in front of him. If you're going to make a callous character, we should know more about him and why he reacted like that --- because that is NOT a normal human reaction, and it almost borders on sociopathic, in my opinion. Unless he sees death so much it doesn't bother him anymore...

Anyway, it was pretty good, and with some work it could be much better! I think the idea for this is great, some of the writing is really excellent, and the characters have the potential to be really interesting. :)