8 chapters / 8094 words

Approximately 40 minutes to read


Just a warning guys: Never start writing a novel on a DS.
Vienna Rubix is a case Orion cannot figure out. His affection for her is obvious, but she seems utterly undisturbed. He would go to the end of the world for her, but she won't even give him a smile.
Then when Eri, a fancy exchange student from France, starts going to their school, Vienna seems fascinated by him. Orion can't hide his distaste for the Eri, especially when the Vienna and the guy start dating.
Can Orion win over Vienna's heart? Or will this declared rivalry between these two kings force Orion over the edge?
Pretty much your average highschool drama. :)


Drama, Romance, Novel



over 5 years ago Serena Riku said:

Best book i read since i got to figment!!!! ( two days ago )


over 5 years ago cassidy said:

All the rage! It's a sign! You need to write more! It's a sign, I tell you! A SIGN!!!! :D

Lily wilde

over 5 years ago T. Patterson said:

I love how you introduced the characters, I do something similar to that when I write so I don't get confused with my characters. I like it a lot good job!


over 5 years ago cassidy said:

AGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! So much for reading it extra slowly. XP I finished! And oh please please please write more!!!!! My life depends on it! Of course, not really, but I am dying to read more. Please write more soon!!



almost 6 years ago Leigh said:

Okay, I'm going to start with the first four chapters. I'll probably be back tomorrow night to do the rest. (:

Character Introduction" Chapter Orion's sketch misspelled "mid" as "med", again in Drew's sketch.

Chapter One I like the relationships, they're a little annoying of characters but they're very real. Also, they have a pretty realistic dialogue. I can't tell if you mean to be writing a screenplay or something between that and a novel. I myself know nothing about formatting screenplay, but having read one or two I think you have a couple of format issues. Maybe try researching that a little bit.

Orion turns to the waiter. "Add a chocolate mousse to that."

Vienna glares, but Orion just smiles back. "Better for your attitude, mon chéri." - I think these two paragraphs should be combined.

The rest of this is good, although I'm a little thrown off by the hybrid novel/screenplay thing. The writing itself is good though, as is the character development, so it works. (:

Chapter Two Good, I like the further development in the story. Vienna reminds me of myself. I didn't spot any typos, but I got a little absorbed and sort of forgot to watch for them. Haha I guess that's a good thing. :P

Chapter Three So now you're really writing third person present tense, not screenplay format……not sure if you meant to switch over to that or not, but I personally like it better.

Overall, I really liked this whole chapter. It's got a good feel to it, and I like the portrayal of the characters. It works nice.

Chapter Four "So she likes guys who can fascinate her. She likes it when they pay attention to details, when they can capture her mind. And scenes..." Orion drifts off into a reverie and a plan crackles to life. - This should be in italics since it's though not dialogue.

Orion's mind races as he contemplates Pierre's foreign accent, the way his "student" sounds like "stoo-DAWH". Orion starts to worry, *Is this fascinating enough for Vienna?* - Same thing here, well, yeah I'm sure you can spot the others. (:

Overall Good so far, the characters are pretty good, but I kind of feel like you let your guys blush too much. That's typically labeled as such a girls only reaction. Other than that they seem very realistic and they have awesome personalities. Vienna is a little bit bland - a lot of characters in high school novels are like her with the Shakespeare and the sort of dark act - so be careful. The rest seem cool but obviously we haven't yet gotten close enough to a lot of them to really see them in action.

Your style really isn't writing that I can 'critique' so I won't go into that, although I'd love to hear about the vision for this when it's done…..why it's formatted like it is, what you hope for it to be, etc.

Other than that, good job, and it seems like a pretty cool plot.


about 6 years ago E.A. Lee said:

Okay, like I said, I'm back... and... I NEED THE EARLY ACCESS CODE! I love the description of characters, Pierre is so funny!! I love his accent! I also love Vienna, she is such an interesting character. But one question. Are Orion and Vienna in the same grade? I mean, he's like 15 and she's 14... right? Anyways, I NEED THE CODE! SO BAD! I was like, "Phew, one more chapter at least, I need more!" and then I pressed the 'next chapter' button... waited, and then it said, 'EARLY ACCESS CODE' and I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GIVE IT TO ME! Haha, anyways, this book is amazing! Its nothing compared to ANYTHING in the world! Please update it frequently! You cant end it like that! :P