12 chapters / 8053 words

Approximately 40 minutes to read


IF ANYTHING, READ THIS!! I'm hoping to get up to 475 likes, but only like if you enjoyed it!

I'm in the process of editing, so not much will be updated :)

WARNING! If you are offended by topics such as abuse, rape, and prostitution, then read any of the stories above!

THERE ARE MANY CHAPTERS THAT ARE NOT PUBLISHED, don’t worry, I know. Those chapters are still being worked on.

I KNOW THE TENSES CHANGE! I originally did not have the letter at the beginning, and all but the second chapter was in present tense. I am still in the process of changing everything, DO NOT PANIC!

Now finally, the summary:
Natalia Barton was abandoned by both her father and older sister at different stages of her life. She was left alone with an abusive alcoholic mother until she found the courage to run away.
Now, after years of running from her past, she is forced to confront it when her sister, father, and a man who knows too much enter her life.


Drama, Romance, Novel
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2 months ago lukin1985 said:

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over 1 year ago Alexandr Lukin said:

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almost 2 years ago Teagan D. said:

For you little 'tell me what you think' in 11. I love it! However... I think you should wait many 2 more chapters before the rape. Everything else ids fine! keep working!


over 3 years ago Ali Marie said:

I love it write more please ill follow you just to get the updates.



about 5 years ago Erika Alexandria said:

Over all, a good read. It seems very 'first Draft' like, meaning I think Moriah H. needs to pay a little more attention to detail. For instance, it took me forever to figure out that she was living in a Hotel and she was a Hotel Clerk. You need to clarify this or your audience will spend half of the book trying to figure out what this girl does to keep herself off the streets. Make it more obvious earlier. Again, a bit more detail, a little more tension for the Rape, and it should be much better.

Over all, like I said, I think it's worth looking at. It only needs a bit of tweaking and it can honestly be a fantastic book.


over 5 years ago Victoria Mathew said:

Chapter Two: Mother ( Love this title. Funny for some reason) I like the mom’s one sided conversation. The use of punctuation and the “half sentence” starting with “like.” Nice imagery word-- grazing. Good details-- broken wine bottle and left ear. Good side story about Audrey. I can hear the contempt in this sentence “ Audrey, my sister, was fifteen when she left me with this woman.” I don’t think the “then” belongs in the sentence “ She then left town” Since you’ve already called her “this woman once, I think it sort of loses it’s punch if you do it again so soon. I would call her mother. Something like “ It was me and my mother in the house, but I felt alone.” I love the next sentence but your metaphors need to match up because people think of houses having walls, not worlds. “ Alone in this house where I had no one to save me from the waves that were crashing against its weak walls.” The next sentence still works “ I thought if my world”. Nice imagery word-- screeched. I like the “glass bottles of who-knows-what. Wine? Vodka? Beer?” Sort of tinged with exasperation. I feel like you need more explanation about the running out of the house. Since you said she had a destination in mind ( the park where her and her sister used to play) I feel like it would sound more natural if you did more leading into with it. “ Again, I found myself thinking that it would be a good idea to leave that place once and for all. My legs obeyed, moving of their own accord. I ran out of that house and it’s weak walls with her bellowing curses at my back. It could crumble without me.” I love that simple sentence. “ They didn’t care enough.” You don’t need the already here “ Already, after fifteen years of abuse...” I love this sentence, very original. “ Every tear I shed brought another along with it.” Now, since the girl seemed to think she was leaving for good, I feel like you need something about how she couldn’t leave for good, addressing why. something like “It was quiet when I got back. What else could I do? I had no food or clothes, plus the blue plastic slide wasn’t enough to fight the winds that were picking up outside. Mother’s figure...” torn up couch-- good detail. Splayed and silhouette-- nice imagery words. I like this part “ I didn’t know if she would be alright without me, or I without her” and how you describe her childhood as a mess. I like the poignant ending sentence and how you begin to draw in the title. “ I’m leaving mother, don’t worry. I’ll soon be gone.” Good chapter Moriah. I really like your writing style. I would like some more imagery though. I want to know more, like what kind of wine bottle it was, what Natalia looked like when she was crying, maybe what kind of jacket she grabbed from her dresser to fight off the cold. I can’t wait to read the next chapter! Good job!