Esmeralda's World

Esmeralda's World

2 chapters / 2216 words

Approximately 11 minutes to read

Description:

A fantasy novel :)
*Not finished - Editing soon*

Genres:

Adventure, Fantasy, Novel

Comments(6)

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almost 6 years ago Laina O'Shields said:

Hook wise, this doesn't do much to draw you in. I ended up almost reading the whole first chapter. And i read the last few sentences of chapter two. If you wanted to get someone, those lines about the gem would do it. Your covers are amazing.. This one is why i picked this piece in the first place.

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almost 6 years ago Philippa Cruz said:

Another Esmeralda ;) Thanks for all your support! I think this story is really good, keep going!

GO YOU, too ;D

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about 6 years ago Tara Poppleford said:

It's fantasy... All the names in this story are big and unrealistic.

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about 6 years ago Alexandrie Delacour said:

The name... I cannot get passed the name...

Esmerelda Topaz Meadowsmith? Really? Really?

Reviews(5)

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about 6 years ago kyla denae said:

Mkay. Hai. Your concept is interesting, I'll give you that. Fairies aren't treated seriously very often in literature, so kudos for that. Now, on to the critiqueness...

The name. Really? The moment I saw it, my first, visceral reaction, was to think that, whoever your main character is, she is primarily a Mary Sue. And then, of course, Esmeralda Topaz Meadowsmith has a best friend whose name is....Georgie. And then, in the middle of the second chapter, that shortens to...Gee? There's nothing wrong with realistic, simple, non-Mary-Sue names in fantasy.

Next...don't interject with cultural notes in parantheses, like about what Looming is. Let us figure it out. To say it's Zaphoria's equivalent of Christmas jars me from the story. Weave your world. If you have to interject with comments such as that, it's a sign that either your writing or your worldbuilding--or both--are lax.

Show, don't tell. Don't tell us about your world--show us. That's about it. So yesh. :) Good luck!