Ragnarok Begins

Ragnarok Begins

1 chapter / 3654 words

Approximately 18 minutes to read

Description:

Prologue: Loki has been a prisoner, trapped inside an active volcano for centuries, plotting his revenge on the gods, but especially Odin and Thor. Will he be able to escape the mountain before it swallows him?

Genres:

Adventure, Fantasy, Novel

Comments(13)

Op vg 385

almost 6 years ago Indy Jones said:

This is absolutely amazing and very well written. I loved the "and my forehead itched" bit, very funny. Please write more!

Marshmallow perfection

almost 6 years ago Chocoholic! said:

I am interested and somewhat confused or rather puzzled by this. Please keep working. I want to see where this is headed. :)

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almost 6 years ago Jenny Swart said:

Really nicely done. I enjoyed your take on Loki, I haven't read much about him except for mythology. Your writing is fantastic, I really enjoyed it. :) I'm certainly interested to see a side of the story from Loki's POV!

One thing I did notice that struck me as odd was this; "Finally, Loki spotted a dark spot in the blinding white."

Loki spotted a dark spot, through me off. I think "Loki noticed a dark spot" would be better, it doesn't sound redundant. ^^ Otherwise, nicely done.

Deep thought

almost 6 years ago Lyla Saffron said:

Sorry can't get to this tonight. I know I'm taking forever sorry! I'll try my best to read it tomorrow morning before I head off to school. Again, really sorry! -Lyla Saffron-

Reviews(4)

Skrivekugle

almost 6 years ago Victoria Caslon said:

Amazing story! Lots of action, suspense, and humor. Your writing style flows really well, and your descriptions are beautiful. I really like the idea of Loki suddenly finding himself in the modern world, while Oscar suddenly finds herself in the world of the gods. I foresee a lot of adventures and hilarious misunderstandings ;) Here are some comments I jotted down while reading:

“For so long there had only been one color in the chamber: cold.” Nice! I love mixed-sensory metaphors. It’s just the first line, and I already think this story is awesome.

“The heat signatures intensified as the mountain approached” = another great metaphor.

“crawling up from within itself by its teeth to devour him.” = this idea is excellent, but with so many prepositional phrases in a row, it’s a bit confusing. I wonder if it would work better like this: “crawling up by its teeth, from within itself, to devour him.”

“Not to mention his forehead itched.” Hee hee!

“rope made of his dead son’s dung.” Yuck! Really? Mythology is so messed up.

“Pain erupted from the spot the insidious venom landed as it dug a new opening in his flesh, which now covered his exposed form.” This sentence is unclear.

“the first act he would commit as a free man would be snake murder.” Hee hee! You maintain an excellent balance between suspense and humor.

“Loki slumped thickly against boulder again.” = should be *the* boulder.

“As the chamber filled noxious volcanic fumes” = should be “filled with.”

“She followed his voice, like a dog, deeper into the room.” Misplaced modifier. This would make more sense: “Like a dog, she followed his voice deeper into the room.”

“In her defense, it probably was not an everyday occurrence that the girl beheld a naked man with both hands and feet bound spread eagle by ropes tied underneath large slabs of stone.” Plus, he’s a giant with massive poison-inflicted skin damage, right? Speaking of that, just how gigantic is he?

“I said it's dried. There's nothing gross about it.” Oh, of course.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She looked around at the walls of the cavern again. “Do you know what the runes on the walls say? I was thinking about it and I think they must be some sort of history of an ancient culture.” Loki laughed. = I think you should put “Loki laughed” as a separate paragraph. You should always start a new paragraph when a new character speaks or does something.

“She stayed down here with me since they put me here, writing that lovely note to me on the walls which by the way I can’t see most of because she wrote it on the walls in the corridor that I’m not in and holding a bowl to catch the poison of that damn snake up there, but never even once did she love me enough to try and free me.” This sentence is a bit long, which works since Loki is ranting, but the “holding a bowl” part kind of comes out of nowhere. I think you need to re-organize this sentence. Also, why didn’t Loki’s wife free him?

“he was tugging her as he flew through the corridors of the cavern.” Do you mean that Loki was holding Oscar with his clawed feet? You should make it clear; otherwise, it’s confusing when Oscar passes out and the reader wonders how she is still clinging to Loki’s leg.

“A cool breeze washed away the feeling of heat death on his entire body.” Good description!

“You win this round, snake,” Loki said, seething, “but mark my words. I’ll get you in Nifleheim. You will not escape me forever.” Hee hee! I actually feel bad for Loki, missing his big revenge.

“The tears suddenly slowed and her rasping breaths slowed” = repetitive.

Deep thought

almost 6 years ago Lyla Saffron said:

Very nice piece! Loved your description you used . Great content as far as making events exciting. The beginning captures readers because of everything going on. I think you did good because if you really think of a prisoner just sitting there, there is not much. But you made it be more important than that. Very nice job!!:)