A Summer Prayer

A Summer Prayer

9 chapters / 6094 words

Approximately 30 minutes to read

Description:

A young girl has to spend the summer in Folly Beach, SC to take care of her ailing grandmother. She was completely dreading the summer, until she met her grandmother's next door neighbor. Little did she know that her summer would be filled with falling in love and romance.
NOTE: NOT FINISHED!

Genres:

Writing, Romance, Novel

Comments(10)

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about 5 years ago Haley Forte said:

Hey Lauren! This story is really cute! I can't wait for you to continue it a little more! I just thought I'd leave some advice here, in some parts, I found the dialogue a little repetitive. Give it a once over, and you'll see what I mean. They're easy little things to fix so don't worry! I can't wait to read more!

Cutecat

over 5 years ago Leafwing said:

This was really cute, and I liked the first paragraphs of the first two chapters--they were good hooks and they made me think about philosophical things. I look forward to reading more.

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almost 6 years ago Wyatt Jaymes said:

Sorry for the extra review. I just wanted to be clear.

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almost 6 years ago emmy albano said:

This is way cute. I read up to chapter three, but I'm gonna follow you and come back! my only critique is that you switch tenses sometimes, but other than that, I love it:)

Reviews(4)

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over 5 years ago Ashley Norris said:

Love the first sentence! It's simple and to the point.

sometimes we have to take what life dishes out and try to see... (I would take out the 'at us' part. It's already implied and the sentence will flow better without it.)

This is what I was trying to keep in mind for this summer. (This sentence is a little confusing. Consider revising/clarifying it a little. The concept of the sentence is great, just word it a little differently.)

I really like your writing style. It's very conversational, but it's still very creative. This can be a challenging combination.

and pick up my two carry-on bags. (You wrote to.)

Los Angeles was completely covered... (You wrote completed.)

and pretended to sleep. (This might simplify the sentence a little.)

Consider giving your characters actions to eliminate the he said she saids. My grandmother held her hand towards David, "Are you sure that this isn't too much to carry?" (The action implies that the grandmother is speaking to David. This is a more creative way to tell your readers who is speaking.)

Try a more descriptive language in some parts. Try to avoid the word got. "He hopped in the driver's seat..."

Try this: It was more rundown than I remembered and it wasn't in the best neighborhood. (All I did was take out the 'it' after remembered, but I think it helps a lot.)

I heaved myself off the bed and moved towards the window. (This is a little more descriptive. You don't have to use these exact words, but try something creative.

I notice that you use the word 'got' quite a bit. Consider finding another way to phrase some of those sentences.

The little fixes I have noted above occur throughout the story. Consider another read through and try to add more actions and descriptive words.

I really like this story so far! Great job!

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almost 6 years ago Wyatt Jaymes said:

Very Good! I love this! No tips! It is amazing!