A Silver Lining

A Silver Lining

3 chapters / 2682 words

Approximately 13 minutes to read

Description:

*Special thanks to Lynn Wong for the AWESOME COVER!*

Annalise has passed onto heaven, and she has no idea what's going on. Her head is spinning, and then suddenly she's back on Earth. God has given her another chance to make things right, or go straight to Hell if she doesn't start fixing things soon.

Comments(18)

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about 5 years ago no pain no mane said:

There's some uncapitilized i's and after dialogue you must start a new paragraph. Other than that, amazing job, I really love this (:

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about 5 years ago no pain no mane said:

I've only read the preview so far, damn you crummy iTouch!, but this is really good. Your voice is perfect and hooking, you're really talented! [and no iTouch, I didn't meant that. Tibor wubs you most~

Marshmallow perfection

about 5 years ago Chocoholic! said:

I had guessed that is where this was headed. I hope there is more. If there is, I promise to come back and finish. Beautiful story.

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about 5 years ago Sara Kellar said:

You have a good start here :). A few things: whenever a different character speaks, start a new paragraph. It makes for a story that flows with considerably more ease and it makes it easier to distinguish between the characters. As well, it feels like it's moving a little fast--don't be afraid to flesh it out a little bit more, and try to show, not tell. Don't tell us that there's a Subway and a Crate and Barrel, show us the sights or the sounds or the smells. All in all, though, you've done a good job, and this has lots of potential. Keep writing :)

Reviews(7)

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about 5 years ago ●♥Leontine♥● said:

This made me laugh:-) great start:-) i loved the scene where they get into the mall and it stops raining...so typical:-) if i were you i would reread and edit out some of the I's and also make the story clearer from the banana kid onwards for it makes no sense whatsoever, unless its supposed to be like that. You also could use more descriptions and clarity. example:Crossing the street, my friend Mia sprinted to the entrance to the Blue Creek Mall, not wanting to getsoaked to the bone from the fat drops of rain pelting our bodies. --> We crossed the crowded, glistening street, trying not to get our shoes wet. Once we were safely on the other side, my friend Mia flew to the Blue Creek Mall entrance, not wanting to get soaked to the bone from the fat drops of rain attacking her. Ect:-) also i would put the paragraph about mia before this one to introduce the character better. Your story was good:-) Keep it up:-)

Dr

about 5 years ago Chocolate Mousse said:

Yay, humor! I like this - it's clever and interesting. However, I think that the part in the mall was confusing (how did the little kid push a 200-pound guy on top of her?), and I've never liked it when the main character speaks to the readers - though that's just my personal preference. I also noticed that you didn't capitalize "I" a couple times - at the end of chapter two and the beginning of chapter three, I think.

I didn't notice any other grammar errors, except that you used "?!", which isn't technically correct but can work. It's a funny beginning and it'll be interesting to see where it ends up. :-)