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4 chapters / 3445 words

Approximately 17 minutes to read

Description:

Sydney's life was destroyed when her sister died. Ever since then Sydney and her family has had horrible luck. So many funerals in so little time.... Cover design by Charlie Bird. Working title.

Genres:

Drama, Memoir, Novel

Comments(16)

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over 5 years ago Kassia Rosen said:

Swap? I'd love it if you would check out my story (in progress) Water Forest. Thanx!!

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almost 6 years ago Nadege Richards said:

Sorry about the late swap, I've been super busy lately. Anyway, it gave me time to really read your writings so I'm rwally happy about that. First iff, this is sych a beautiful story. Even though, it may nit be exactly my cup of tea, that doesn't matter becase the writing was very well done. And for a piece like this, I'm sure finding the voice of the main character was difficult. And that's another thing, I didn't feel forced to feel sorry for her, I just did because of the way you expressed emotion so vaguely, yet obviously.

Great job, love! You've got great talent!

--N.K.R.

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almost 6 years ago Ariel Magic-esi said:

Well, I only read the first chapter but the writing style is excellent and the dialogue is realistic. The plot is unique, too. You haven't got any style or voice problems at all, but the grammar and spelling could use some work. Also, you keep changing from past to present tense, which is a little irritating. Besides that, I really like it! Keep up the good work.

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almost 6 years ago Juliette Burgon said:

I did like this, at a couple of moments I felt myself getting a little bored, but I kept trucking through. Is this all that there will be? I was kinda hoping for more. I liked it. Sometimes the word choice was blah, I mean, you don't need to use words like: Frocknard interjected. Once in a while it's okay to use words like that, but it is alright to just use 'said.' I think that the simpler the word choice is, the easier it is to get your point/feelings across.

Reviews(3)

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almost 6 years ago ASA said:

this novel has many spelling and grammatical errors, so you might want to go over those. u use some words too many times, for similar things. For example, you use pinstraight twice about two girls, about hair... why dont you mix it up, like curly or wavy, or something..?? You do this again with bushy eyebrows.. not great plan.. Great plot thought, just do some revisions.. :)

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almost 6 years ago Lazy River said:

Dear Tiffany,

As I am short for time I am not able to read the entire thing. My apologies.

I touch my pinstraight chocolate brown hair as she moves out of the bathroom: "pinstraight" should be "pin straight"

Agirl with big grey eyes staired covered by thivk black eyebrows.: "Agirl" should be "A girl". "staired" should be "stared". "thivk" should be "thick". And how were her eyes covered by her eyebrows?

It must have changed since the time I truely cared about appearences.: "truely" should be "truly" and "appearences" should be "appearances".

I quickly stroke the brush brisles against my hair and hurridly put on my classic purple t-shirt and jeans.: "brisles" should be "bristles"

The Florida air greets me eventhough it's the middle of December.: "eventhough" should be "even though"

Anya answered her with a cackle,"Yeah, but we could pull it off.": "cackle,'Yeah,"" should be "cackle, "Yeah,

Anya just keep going."What? Daddy's ugly alien child can't take the heat?": "keep" should be "kept" and going."What? should be going. "What?

"Don't you ever speak to me again you ugly step siste.?": "siste" should be "sister". And why do you have double punctuation?

We were silent for a while intil they start talking like nothing happened to me.: "intil" should be "until"

I would correct all the grammar mistakes, but as I said, I'm short for time! Keep writing!

~Lazy River