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Approximately 11 minutes to read
A short story.
11 months ago LaurenC said:
this is an amazing story! I've never read anything like it actually! I connected with the characters, and it was well set out!
over 1 year ago L. G. Schmidt said:
I loved it, there are not many pieces on Figment about the USSR, so it was something new. I only noticed one mistake; although the Russian woman was married to a man with the last name Mikolov, her last name would have been Mikolova, because they always add an 'a' to the end of a woman's last name in Russian.
over 1 year ago Sarah Summer said:
Wow. I loved this.
over 1 year ago Chocolate Mousse said:
I don't have anything to say about this. It was excellently done: your dialogue is perfect, and the details you threw in made me feel as if I was really there. Interesting idea and brilliant execution.
All I can say is that you should write more - both because this leaves a lot of questions unanswered, and because you wrote it extremely well and I want to read more. Again, excellent job - and I give you my apologies, but I can't find anything here to critique.
over 1 year ago R. J. Lovelace said:
This is a beautiful story. I loved your details. They were sparse but at the right kind of distant and in between moments. It was a story that I really enjoyed. (I wanted to write the review as I was reading but I couldn’t look away from the story.)
At the beginning, with Jan and the leader, I really thought he was going to fill him with bullets. That was a nice twist. I though there could be a little more feeling with the leader but whatever. It worked.
For story and plot, I thought you did an excellent job.
This: ‘He hates the color. He hates that it runs inside him, under his skin, between his veins and arteries and capillaries, that his life depends on it leaking from his heart.’
That made sense but I think it could be clearer. You say he hates the color but then you start talking about the blood. If it’s the color he hates, go with the color because that is what you wrote. You’re switching it and although I understood what was being talked about, I think it could be better.
This: ‘he resists the urge to plant a bullet through the hammer and sickle.’
That would have to be my favorite line, it is an awesome line.
Excellent job, really. (:
over 1 year ago Melissa Wu said:
I really enjoyed this, you had great dialogue and the characters were appropriate to their time period. I think they are well developed and it really shows. The only thing that made me loose my place was purely a preference, you wrote the story in a less common tense (present tense). That was entirely up to you and even worked in your benefit at the beginning but in the middle, where the man gives them their next chance, I started to see it more of a burden.
It was something that dragged my attention away from the story. It's up to you and, once again, even helped you at the beginning, I just felt I should point out that as a reader it made things a little. . .different (not particularly bad).
I was extremely happy with the way you did this, it captivate my attention and left me with just enough details. I didn't need to know the exact texture of everything and you knew when to stop. Good job!