9

9

7 chapters / 6018 words

Approximately 30 minutes to read

Description:

How would you cope?

Comments(34)

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about 4 years ago East L.A. College: Milestone said:

*"person above you" thread*

This was an intersting piece. The chapter titles were a bit confusing at first, but I then understood them to be 9M(months) 8M(months). Hope that's correct. The way in which this story was told seem quite straightforward and realistic in its honest approach to life, almost like a journal. It's often difficult to compose a piece with a MC who is authentic in their speech, yet you were able to anyway. The ending was especially interesting.

Don't forget to read over your work! Edit, rewrite, reedit! That is how your piece will become perfect. Nice job. Keep at it!

Ff3_ds__bard_ingus_by_momogirl

almost 5 years ago Hogan said:

This was very well-written. You made it realistic; your MC was both believable and easy to like. It's hard to write something so real and emotional as this, but you really did a fantastic job.

Santacruzme

almost 5 years ago Trina Elisabeth said:

Whoa. This is really fantastic. I love your writing style and how very honest it is. I could not bring myself to stop reading until the end. Just a very well done and inspiring story, more realistic than many things I've read lately. :)

Gethurtprofpic1

about 5 years ago ⓂTheHalf-LightⓂ said:

I really enjoyed this. I was confused by the chapter names, though. It started with 9 and 8 PM, then turned to just "M"... is that supposed to be like that? KH

Reviews(7)

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over 5 years ago Lilly Fantasy said:

9, a story that took a lot longer than an expected 9 minutes to write about. It was a well written description on how a cancer patient with a terminal disease feels and their response to it. I liked this a lot, and that's saying something because I normally don't praise realistic fiction, especially when it's about sickness. However, 9 was well put together with a likable main character and relate-able situations. But, and as much as I hate to say it, there are a few parts that could use some work. However, being that I liked it so much, I decided to give 9 suggestions and pieces of advice in honor of how much I enjoyed it. 1. State what you wanna say The beginning chapter is confusing. There is a lot of switching from present tense, to inner feelings, to doubts. What I mean is, one minute you are talking about a person who the speaker believes is an asshole, but then he doubts himself to thinking he may be a nice guy. This goes along with what you are saying later, about bias, but one, I would rather you show me that the speaker has bias, rather than telling and two, let the speaker’s thoughts reign supreme. Don’t be afraid to have the speaker clearly state, this guy is an asshole in my mind, because as he’s smoking he is oblivious to my situatuion and how I’m sensitive to what he is doing. I also understand that after reading more, the reader will understand why its so ironic and why the speaker is pissed, but don't be afraid to have the speaker just be pissed at the guy and call him an asshole. 2. Tense is important. Again, in the first chapter you switched tenses around some and it was confusing. Getting rid of stuff in the parenthesis may help with this, but be careful when using present tense, as it is very easy to switch to a different tense. The present tense defiantly works with this piece, but like I said you need to stick with it. Back-story and history is okay, but add some "ing" words if you are going to stay in the present tense. For example, "I come home from the meeting tonight and Cindy's waiting for me in my apartment. She tells me I look a lot happier and I tell I her I noticed that too." Take extra care when telling the history of a character when you stay in the present tense, and avoid "had" or "have –ed". It makes writing sound more sophisticated and just better if you avoid these verb tenses at all costs. 3. Descriptions that are worth dieing for. Don’t be afraid to describe some things every once and a while. I noticed this throughout your story. It’s nice for readers to use their imagination every now and then, but you shouldn’t rely completely on the readers filling in your story. That is what a reader is doing when they imagine something. Setting and physical traits of characters are as important to a story as plot and dialogue. And be sure to show it rather than tell it, if you don’t understand this (which I hope you do,) feel free to ask me about it. 4. Developing a character. In any story, a character development is needed. Some sort of internal change that a reader can take to heart and learn from, preferably. It doesn’t have to be the main character, but it normally is. Now, don’t get me wrong, your main character had an internal change of heart, he gained hope. What I’m suggesting is make this a little more obvious. Do something to the speaker’s personality or actions to display this change of heart. 5. Humor is not something to laugh about. Humor is a tricky subject. Normally, a writer can achieve a small smile or even a chuckle from a reader through sarcasm and irony(at least that's what I've find). However, there is a fine line of humor. I can guarantee that you have read something, realized the author has tried to be funny, but you find it only worthy of a face palm, am I right? So what’s the purpose of me yammering about this you ask? This line “I'll end up in Heaven with 72 virgins and it'll be a good day, right? Ha, death humor...it was a joke,” that’s why. You need to take Yoda’s advice, “Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.” Tell a joke and let the reader figure it out, or don’t tell the joke and let the situation remain as it was. I really recommend not flat out saying, it was a joke, cause it’s like an applause sign in a t.v show. “Laugh now audience, I’m funny here.” But what do I know about humor? This is only a suggestion, but it’s also a warning discovered from experience. Be careful with humor, learn about it, and see how to manipulate it. 6. Words can help and hurt. This was only a minor problem in your piece but it doesn’t hurt to mention it. At certain points you got very wordy in how you said something, and sometimes you seemed to reorder the words. I forgot where this happens, but I want you to read over it again and look for oddly worded sentences. In fact, I suggest reading it aloud to yourself. You’d be amazed at how quickly you can find mistakes in grammar, spelling, sentence structure and style. 7. Matter of opinion: Just a blurb on swearing. Swear words and writers have a love-hate relationship in my opinion. They either help get a point across or can label your work as uneducated and dangerous to readers. Now, your piece is a mixture of the two. You use firetruck (the f bomb) several times in this story, and personally I avoid such vulgar language. However, I understand why you used it in this piece. I mean I would be cussing like that if I found out I had cancer. However, there are certain times when this word is not necessary and the sentence would have as much if not more emphasis without the cuss word. For example, “It was like Pavlov had invaded my brain and f***ing conditioned the sh*t to stream out everytime I coughed.” Get rid of the big cuss words and replace sh*t with blood, and you still have a sentence full of anger and disbelief. As a side note, I loved this allusion to Pavlov XD. But as I said, cussing in a piece is all up to the writer or poet, and personally I don’t do it. Just keep in mind that these words have strong implications and harsh meanings. 8. Contradictions? Ah, contradictions are great. The human race is full of them and is thus part of writing. However they should still be used with caution. This line, “I'll keep fighting, but it feels like (and I hate to say it), I'm fighting a losing battle,” is a contradiction to what the speaker thought before and it's an abrupt contradiction too. Perhaps this is how you show character change, but it almost seemed too abrupt from the previous, “I don’t give a crap of what happens to me,” to “I wanna live.” It’s a contradiction that could work in your piece if you wanted it to, but my suggestion would be to ease your way to the contradiction. 9.Too good to be true. Not the ending of the story of course, that was saddening and leaves the reader to imply what happens, so it made a great ending. What I mean is this piece gave me a very difficult time and I cannot think of a ninth thing to write about. Of course this piece still requires some work, but every piece does, even published pieces. So for making this one of the hardest pieces I have ever had to review, I congratulate you. Overall, 9 was a sophisticated piece, but could use some work like any other piece. I encourage you to continue your writing and increase you prowess, as it will surely take you far.

A Long-Winded Reviewer, Lilly Fantasy

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over 5 years ago Becca said:

I'm in love with this character right now. He's witty and hilarious, and I don't care what other reviewers say about the cussing, because as you know I tend to cuss a lot in my own writing. I'm a firm believer that it gives character to the character. That makes sense right? Personally, I love the title of the last chapter. I think for a second you're like "Oh my god he's gonna live!" But they you slowly start to realize that he doesn't live....And then you get confused. But then I understood. I think. The cancer gave him nine months to live, and that's exactly what he did. He opened up to life and to love and friendship (the river, Cindy, the doctor friend). He began to hope and believe and see what was important. He really was cured, because even though he was technically dying, he was really living more than he ever had before. So that when he actually died, he was at peace. He was okay with it.

I didn't see enough grammatical errors to point out, so your good there. I guess my only con is that I almost wish it was longer because I was just so in love with this character and his story and I wanted to hear more before he died.

So overall, I love this and I think you need to write more stories, stat. :)