Alice in Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland

12 chapters / 1998 words

Approximately 10 minutes to read

Description:

Alice finds herself lost in a world very different than her own. Desperate to return home, she enlists the help of a man known only as “Hatter”. In a land where emotions are treated as drugs, she soon finds herself caught in a dangerous war between the Red Queen’s men, “The Suits”, and a rebellion group deemed “Cheshire”. Slowly, she grows to love this twisted Wonderland… and its inhabitants. Can she expose those for what they are? Remember, trust nothing at face value. (Finalist in the CinderContest ; note that Cheshires are human and Suits are robot ; UNDER CONSTRUCTION - I'm lengthening it out and generally making it better)

Comments(65)

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5 days ago Brendon Maccullum said:

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Sanya k

10 months ago Sanya K said:

Is there going to be more or is that it? I loved this. Awesome twist about the robots and the emotions.

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over 1 year ago Caitlynn Nikole said:

It moves just a little too fast. There's so much more that could have been done with this story. It is a good twist on the original though.

Reviews(10)

10

over 3 years ago Silvera Starling said:

This is a cool story with a really cool concept. I like the idea of the emotion draining and emotions being a drug. It's a very original idea. However, there were some flaws. I think the pace was way too fast. The chapters were too short so things string together too closely and don't transition really well into another. I would also like to hear more about the world. I don't think there's enough description, so I don't really feel immersed in the story. If you work on these flaws, this story will become a lot better. Good luck writing!

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over 4 years ago Sequoia said:

At first I thought this was very original and was intrigued despite its few flaws, but then I remembered something a friend of mine had shown me once. It was a clip from a miniseries that was on SyFy called Alice in which Alice meets the mad hatter. Apparently in the miniseries they also drain human emotions, is this random or were you inspired by it? Either way it is still pretty good. My only technical issues are the writing style (it's good, but you need to find a better flow, it often changes from intense vocab, which is sometimes a bad thing, to regular speech. I also might add just a sentence or two of descriptive words if not more) and pace (it wasn't slow enough to build real characters so I couldn't connect with them and they don't have clear motives, in other words, round them out). I just read that you are lengthening it, and that it was for a contest, so it makes sense now why it is so short, but when you do lengthen it, keep in mind what I said. Thanks, ~Sequoia