The Henchman

The Henchman

3 chapters / 13873 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read


In a world of pop-culture archetypes, former villain Andoryu Konori (who once held all of Neo-Tokyo by the throat) and his thunder-rat must survive a conspiracy to implicate him in Deicide as an ancient evil plots to wipe the metropolis clean and start anew.



over 3 years ago Ella Fee Nix said:

this is an interesting story, it has great potential but the beginning was a little slow. you also had some errors here and there.


over 3 years ago Jaye Silver said:

This has potential. If this is what you like to do, finish it up and keep up the good work!


over 3 years ago mhw said:

Felt very raw to me, you have a v vivid imagination.


over 3 years ago S. Taylor said:

Nice story!!! Feel free to check out mine!



over 3 years ago kyla denae said:

Interesting. A couple things I noticed-

It's very confusing, particularly your third chapter. While skipping around can be okay, skipping forwards and backwards several times in the same chapter gets extremely confusing. Your readers will have a difficult time following it.

There in your first chapter, there were quite a few sentences that seemed awkwardly constructed to me. You might want to read through and make sure your grammar and everything is correct.

Now, on to content. Your plot seems solid; I like the idea. The Asiatic setting is somewhat different. You don't often see novel fantasy set in Asia, so kudos on that. One thing I would suggest is to maybe try to smooth out how you introduce concepts. Some of them were awkwardly worded and not well introduced, but otherwise you do remarkably well on that front. Some authors have a tendency to explain every. single. thing, rather than accepting that their characters will know what it is and trusting their readers to figure it out, too. So you do very well with that overall.

You're a talented writer, and this was an enjoyable read. Kudos. :))


over 3 years ago Timothy Ryan Trek said:

It seems a little messy. I would try to clean it up a little bit. And make the details less in your face. Feed it to us slowly. It's hard to follow when every nuance comes at you at once.