Beneath the Surface

Beneath the Surface

24 chapters / 60750 words

Approximately about 5 hours to read

Description:

Mira, a girl who grew up in the slums of Zorak, finds herself caught up in the resistance against the king.

Genres:

Adventure, Fantasy, Novel

Comments(12)

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almost 5 years ago num said:

cool

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almost 5 years ago Kayy said:

Oh ohmygoshohmygosh i'm sorry for posting that on this!

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almost 5 years ago Kayy said:

Hi! I just wrote a story called The Killer for the Seventeen Magazine contest and i'm looking for some constructive criticism. I'd love it if you could check it out. I'm willing to swap if you'd like. Thank you and sorry if i've already asked! :]

Chenier

over 5 years ago Aston Martin said:

Okay, i would like to say that this is actually really good. Sometimes a tad confusing with that bipolar chick, lol, but you made me want to read more. I like the fact that you laid out the entire story, well from what i read anyway, which was the first chapter. So far i like what i read. One thing that i might suggest, i caught a few sentences that kind of just seemed...redundent. it makes since in your head but then u right it, or type it down, and its like, huh? Anyway good job.

Reviews(4)

P1010598

over 5 years ago Jadzia Brandli said:

Hi, I really liked the first chapter (which is all I have read, thus far). It's a good start and I hope you can go places with it. My only problem is that Mira comes across as kind sometimes and pittying herself and then course and very rude at other times. It just seems like abrupt changes, like when she starts to growl at Big Aunt and it really rude. I just don't see her switching so quickly and being so mean to someone she is clsoe with, maybe giving Big aunt a tired response and saying she knows it's what she does and she has no choice, then when Big Aunt protests she gets a little snappy, but not growling.

Sorry, just my thoughts. You have to make us like the character so that we feel for them and want to keep reading. If they're down-right nasty or unfair, we won't like them.

I actually have read a book or two that I loved and the character wasn't your typical struggling-MC-with-weaknesses-and-traits-that-you-love. I read a book about a murderer once, but even he had a soft side and had a reason for his (ahem!) insanity. Soit kept me hooked, plus it had a lot of action.

So, this is just my opinion and my thoughts. But, you do it how you want, because you are the writer. Be happy with what you write. Don't change it just to satisfy me or anyone else, but think about what they say, too.

Good luck with this!

Jaz

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almost 6 years ago Lucy Shifflett said:

Great start, I literally found nothing wrong with it. Your writing style is fantastic and I definetly want to read more! I'd love if you could unlock the rest of the chapters, because this was just great. I found no spelling erorrs or anything :) Perfect!