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Approximately 14 minutes to read
*Mature content! Just an FYI
Love can destroy even the best of people.
Nicole. Perfect student. Perfect daughter.
Jeremy. Smart. Rebel. Into Drugs. Possibly Sadistic.
What happens when one falls for the other?
Cover credited to Electric Electric
11 months ago Kelly O'Connor said:
I read the first two chapters and I'm really intrigued about this story. Your description is awesome. I definitely want to know more about what happens to Nicole! I may read on if I have some free time. Some things I noticed were:
-First chapter: "It felt good" I think this is unnecessary or could be strengthened.
-Fucking, not fucken
-What happended this year? Foreshadow what happened. Describe it slightly.
-Second chapter: you said 8piece of paper.
11 months ago Caly Emily Cadence said:
I found this really really choppy, and something about it just isn't right, like something's off.
11 months ago Sayer said:
That was really good!
11 months ago ♡Mermaid Annabella♡ said:
I think it's well-written; you have good vocabulary, detail and imagery. But it's very choppy. Your sentences are too short; I think if you lengthened them by adding two and two together, since you don't need added detail or imagery, it could really help. Just avoid run-ons, like my previous sentence just now :) But the only short sentence I really like is "It felt good."
Also, the sentence "What a fucken crappy year it was, but while it was all happening I thought it was amazing." is kind of confusing... or more so irritating, I guess.
Well done; hearted :)
over 1 year ago Catherine Zuko Ellis said:
Wow, this makes me want to jump into your story and beat the living daylights out of Jeremy. This story is very good. I am anxious to see how it turns out! I love how you took a girl from innocent means and show how the world defiles her. I hope this story has a happy ending! Please write more! -Catherine
over 1 year ago Catalina~SexyAnchovie~ said:
So seeing as I can only access Chapter 1 and 4 it really confused me because I have to idea who Jeremy is or anything so I cant say anything about the story line. I've liked what I've read so far...the speaker has a distinct voice which I like. Since Tattoos are obviously a key part of this story I think describing the speakers tattoos would be very beneficial to the story. Overall this is quite good, keep writing