11 months ago Kelly O'Connor said:

I read the first two chapters and I'm really intrigued about this story. Your description is awesome. I definitely want to know more about what happens to Nicole! I may read on if I have some free time. Some things I noticed were: -First chapter: "It felt good" I think this is unnecessary or could be strengthened. -Fucking, not fucken -What happended this year? Foreshadow what happened. Describe it slightly. -Second chapter: you said 8piece of paper.

11 months ago Caly Emily Cadence said:

I found this really really choppy, and something about it just isn't right, like something's off.

11 months ago Sayer said:

That was really good!

11 months ago ♡Mermaid Annabella♡ said:

I think it's well-written; you have good vocabulary, detail and imagery. But it's very choppy. Your sentences are too short; I think if you lengthened them by adding two and two together, since you don't need added detail or imagery, it could really help. Just avoid run-ons, like my previous sentence just now :) But the only short sentence I really like is "It felt good." Also, the sentence "What a fucken crappy year it was, but while it was all happening I thought it was amazing." is kind of confusing... or more so irritating, I guess. Well done; hearted :)