The Half Window

The Half Window

2 chapters / 2047 words

Approximately 10 minutes to read

Description:

Maggie, an eighteen year old girl, who goes to Stanford, begins to see mysterious deaths with objects left behind. She's not even quite sure about anything, she only knows what her name is and she goes to Stanford. But, when she dives through the window with a certain boy, she begins to unveil the truth abouth who she is, and what's going on.

Comments(16)

W

almost 5 years ago Wendy Fullbuster said:

emmy..... i see the resemblance. u no what i mean

Xx coexist

over 5 years ago m.j. said:

I like it, but it seems a bit rushed. Everything happens too quickly and I kind of had trouble keeping up. It needs some revision, but it definitely has potential to be a great story.

Maggie

over 5 years ago Emily MK said:

actually yeah i do. :) hahah

587a

over 5 years ago Claire Marielle said:

this is very beautiful, very compelling. it's confusing, very stream-of-conciousness, but that's ok, it's a style.

you like green eyes, don't you? ;)

Reviews(5)

Z for song

almost 4 years ago Lyssa Silver said:

Okay. I have to say I was pretty confused on the first chapter. It's a interesting plot though. I'm going to point out some things I noticed.

-Almost every sentence starts with "I". Try to give some sentence variety!

-"He held the gone up and was about to shoot." (chapter 1). I think you meant gun.

-"I started to scream but no one else did." (chapter 1). What does this mean?

-Maybe you should be more clear on how she's the only one that can see the death scene take place in the store, because I thought everyone could see it.

-"Now they thing I'm a lunatic, great." (chapter 1) I think you meant "think".

Image

over 5 years ago Moriah said:

To begin with, I'll just say that I really like your writing style and the descriptions throughout the story. With many edits to the grammar, punctuation, and spelling, this could be really good. The story kept me hooked. Also, the writing stlye kept changing. At some points you used vivid, beautiful description, and then at times it sounded like a teenage girl talking. I would definately make sure that the writing style is kept the same all the way through. Overall, nicely done; it would be great if you keep going, but if you decide to leave it as is then it will definately be a mysterious ending.