Rain Like Tears

Rain Like Tears

4 chapters / 2607 words

Approximately 13 minutes to read

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Comments(15)

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about 5 years ago Annalisia Lee said:

The flashbacks are so awesome. Sorry that I haven't gotten to our swap in forever. The descriptions are really good! Keep it up!

18-vampire-diaries[1]

over 5 years ago Eriny Hany said:

Ohhh have you edited this ? There are so many new details or maybe I just read it fast the last time. Anywys I think you did a great job with the describtions. I loved it.

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over 5 years ago Alice Squires said:

This is really good. I love the flash backs :) good job x

Jenna marbles!

almost 6 years ago Jenna said:

I disagree! The flash backs are awesome and they make the story flow more.

Reviews(3)

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about 4 years ago Lucy Shifflett said:

Chapter Two: Don’t forget to indent your paragraphs. In the third sentence of the first paragraph you wrote “for” instead of “from” In the second dialogue sentence you forgot the period after “dream” Also, like I mentioned before, start a new line for each dialogue sentence. In the last sentence of the second to last paragraph you wrote “controll” instead of “control” Only a few grammatical errors in this chapter, I think it actually flowed much better than the first. Your characters are becoming rounder and other than the few errors previously mentioned I didn’t see too much that needed change. Just like in the first chapter there were a couple areas where the tenses got confused, so again, I’d read that out loud and you should have no trouble spotting it. Keep up the nice work! I hope this is helpful to you 

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about 4 years ago Lucy Shifflett said:

I am going to try to write my reviews chapter by chapter. So far it seems that your main character has a very strong voice. You also mentioned that it was a dystopian so I’m curious to see how that will tie in. One of the things I did notice was that you seemed to switch between tenses quite a bit. I usually find past tense to be much easier, but that’s just me. The best way to fix tense confusion is to read the chapter aloud to yourself to determine if it flows correctly. I’d like to commend you on your dialogue, it was very realistic. There were some mistakes I noticed, I’ve included a list below that I hope will help you in your editing process. Always start a new line for each dialogue sentence, this helps separate the speech from the thought and it adds to the flow of the story. I’d also indent your paragraphs and space them out more, it makes the structure appear more appealing to the reader and less like an intimidating wall of text. In the third sentence of the first paragraph, I would reword your sentence to “She stood smiling as my dad backed from her driveway and steered the car in the direction of our house on the opposite end of town” Or something to that effect. In the second sentence of the second paragraph I would say “every now and then” instead of “again” In that same sentence you say go twice, try mixing up the words you use, try “we would go out for ice cream or meet at the roller skating rink.” Also in that sentence, put a comma between “roller skating” and “but” The fourth sentence in the second paragraph is very awkward, I would rearrange it to “It wasn’t that she didn’t love me; she did. Despite that, I had always felt like I was the odd child in the family.” In the last paragraph I don’t know if you meant to say “wifey” but I would change it regardless. In the final sentence of the last paragraph you typed “were” instead of “where” There were a few more sentences that didn’t flow just right, but I think that if you read the chapter aloud you’ll easily find all of them!