3 chapters / 2391 words

Approximately 12 minutes to read


New Official EBook version cover, via Katie Makes Covers group; "Why are you the only one I see when everyone else is closer to perfect?..." Tell me your thoughts on this.. one of my first novels that has gone public! Pretty self conscious about it, considering the ideas are a little out there. Please comment or review to help out!


Novel, Romance, Poetry



almost 6 years ago earthboundpixie said:

This is such a conceptually interesting piece. I love the potential of how you could continue to weave poetry and writings by the characters and or reflective of the characters throughout. I also find it intriguing how you are showing the way shifts and changes in our lives can open doors of opportunity even when they are perceived/experieced negatively....how nothing happens within a bubble and there are rippling effects. I noticed a few typos in chapter one: when you said "her nearly black hair tied into a braid that entends down her lower back" I think you might have meant "extends" instead of "entends" and when you say "“No, no. I want to see which of those poems has my Ari hiding its words.”" I think you might have meant to have an "in" there between "hiding" and "its" (or I could be reading that wrong and just misunderstood the line.) This line stood out to me as particularly striking "and I hold it close to myself as if its words are the very life of me."...you communicate so much there about your character....lovely. And, Pim is a great name; you have really constructed a believably playful yet complex relationship here. Definitely looking forward to reading more of where you go with this...well done.


almost 6 years ago Jasmin Williams said:

Very well written. I like your descriptions! Good job!

Headshot 1

almost 6 years ago speed of shadow said:



almost 6 years ago E.R.Rose said:

REALLY nice work! Jess



almost 6 years ago Georgia Bish said:

I love it. Good work. I would give a little more detail and feel of emotion. Also how can it be a novel and a poem?? It's confusing. I didn't know wether i should give you novel advice or poem advice so i found it hard to give you a good review. So if this is a novel MAKE IT LONGER!! Otherwise your story was really great. I loved it. Good work and keep writing. Georgia :D

For your benefit: By the way in your description you said and i quote "this does NOT take 12minutes to read people!" however for me it only took 10minutes and i timed. Which is rather slow for me since i'm a fast reader but obtain information very quick. So yould probably get rid of this because 1) it's unprofessional 2) will turn people off 3)it's calculated by a computer or person...so it's how long it takes to read it out aloud (found out from a teacher that is usual how it's calculated for most websites).


almost 6 years ago why_don't_we said:

Your comments mean oh so much, all of you :) updated the cover and plan on publishing the third chapter soon. Comment if you want an extended scene from Zander's view!!!! Add (~) to your comment/critique!