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Approximately 15 minutes to read
For the Girls with grit contest! Heart if you like it, Review on what needs to be fixed.
6 months ago Bree the lost girl said:
Brilliant. I love it!
10 months ago Jessica Corley said:
Wow. This is absolutely brilliant. This is good. I mean, really good. Great, great piece.
11 months ago Shukrani Mercer said:
This was beautifully constructed and brought tears to my eyes. I love how Keera ultimately triumphs over her prosecutors in the end. What's really sad is that there are still people out there today that are so hideously racist. And not just between black and white people either. The quote was a splendid touch... I actually have that quote hanging on my bedroom wall ;)
about 1 year ago Riley Black said:
This is beautiful.
about 1 year ago Emily R. said:
Swapping for “The Sound of Salt”
**First of all, just want to say that the quote is genius. I know you’re not the one who said it, but still. Too cool.
**Great hook! I NEED it, like I NEED oxygen.
**Ah. So she’s a dancer. I’ve always admired dancers—So You Think You Can Dance is one of my favorite shows! I love her spirit and appreciate that she is willing to work to achieve her dream.
**Great idea to make her black! It gives her so much more depth and provides conflict. But I suppose that was the whole idea of the story—overcoming prejudice. How rude of her teacher. Butt-head.
**Who is this mysterious Ryder? Hm.
**I love her blunt humor! Wonderful character! You do a great job at showing what she’s like—not telling.
**Ah! Ryder!! *melts* So cute and such wonderful dialogue in the “never have I ever” scene! You have such a gift at quickly showing how their relationship develops without rushing. *sigh* Lovely.
** Holy guacamole. Racist! I almost feel like this is unrealistic, though. An entire school not accepting black people? I mean it seems unlikely that all these people could be so prejudiced. Nowadays people are more level minded (unless you’re in backwoods hick town) and even if there do hold ill feelings, they don’t express them so bluntly. Just a thought. It may be that you have seen more instances of things like this happening.
**Okay, ignore what I said. It makes more sense now that the director was fired and everything—I just couldn’t picture someone getting away with that!
** Dance, dance, dance!! And then Ryder brings her flowers after the performance and they live happily ever after! :D
Lovely! Truly inspirational story about a girl with grit! I
about 1 year ago Laina Van Wingerden said:
You are asking for review on this, and some help, so i'll try! And you asked to swap, so this is my answer :)
In the paragraph that starts: "I'd just finished my contemporary solo for the class." You have a there that should be there's. It's after a but: but THERE should be but THERE'S.
I find it so sad that her teacher and other people look down on her because of her color.
You threw some romance in there, i personally, like that :)
Woohoo! Way to go Keera! I'm so glad she stood up to the judges, i would have hated if she gave in to that garbage. You ended beautifully. Honestly, this was an amazing piece and i really hope you win this contest. Good luck and keep writing!