Want to follow along with this writing? Sign up Today, it's free and easy
Approximately 15 minutes to read
For the Girls with grit contest! Heart if you like it, Review on what needs to be fixed.
almost 3 years ago Bree the lost girl said:
Brilliant. I love it!
about 3 years ago Jessica said:
Wow. This is absolutely brilliant. This is good. I mean, really good. Great, great piece.
about 3 years ago Shukrani Mercer said:
This was beautifully constructed and brought tears to my eyes. I love how Keera ultimately triumphs over her prosecutors in the end. What's really sad is that there are still people out there today that are so hideously racist. And not just between black and white people either. The quote was a splendid touch... I actually have that quote hanging on my bedroom wall ;)
over 3 years ago Riley Black said:
This is beautiful.
over 3 years ago Laina Van Wingerden said:
You are asking for review on this, and some help, so i'll try! And you asked to swap, so this is my answer :)
In the paragraph that starts: "I'd just finished my contemporary solo for the class." You have a there that should be there's. It's after a but: but THERE should be but THERE'S.
I find it so sad that her teacher and other people look down on her because of her color.
You threw some romance in there, i personally, like that :)
Woohoo! Way to go Keera! I'm so glad she stood up to the judges, i would have hated if she gave in to that garbage. You ended beautifully. Honestly, this was an amazing piece and i really hope you win this contest. Good luck and keep writing!
over 3 years ago D.S. White said:
I really like this. The concept is lovely, and I believe the theme of racism is well written. I did notice some issues, but it's mostly me nitpicking.
"It was my whole world to become a dancer, and if I didn’t succeed…if I failed then it would be like losing oxygen, painful for my heart and agonizing to my soul." For some reason, I found this sentence awkward. I have no reason why, but I had to read over it a few times to get through it.
"And eventually it would pay off for me, too." I have a bit of a pet peeve about starting sentences with 'and'. It makes the sentence incomplete, when you can just add a comma or something to continue the phrase. Instead of pausing and starting a new sentence.