Want to follow along with this writing? Sign up Today, it's free and easy
Approximately 15 minutes to read
For the Girls with grit contest! Heart if you like it, Review on what needs to be fixed.
almost 4 years ago Jessica said:
Wow. This is absolutely brilliant. This is good. I mean, really good. Great, great piece.
about 4 years ago Shukrani Mercer said:
This was beautifully constructed and brought tears to my eyes. I love how Keera ultimately triumphs over her prosecutors in the end. What's really sad is that there are still people out there today that are so hideously racist. And not just between black and white people either. The quote was a splendid touch... I actually have that quote hanging on my bedroom wall ;)
about 4 years ago Riley Black said:
This is beautiful.
over 4 years ago Aston Martin said:
Oh my god!!!!!! wow this story is amazing. I loved how you painted keera and ryder's personas. i guess it is true that opposites attract. i wish this could have benn longer, even though it was short, i feel like you got an entire novel in. at first, i wasn't going to read the entire thing because i have a lot to read lol, but i couldn't stop! the other stories were just going to have to wait because, this was ammmmmmmaaaaazzzziiiinnnnnggggg!!! but it's a shame that such a talented person had to go through something like this. You know, i say that you make a story that tells the entire story to this one. Like, this would make for a great novel!! if you need any help or ideas, I'm here.
anyway, i absolutely loved this!
over 4 years ago Laina O'Shields said:
You are asking for review on this, and some help, so i'll try! And you asked to swap, so this is my answer :)
In the paragraph that starts: "I'd just finished my contemporary solo for the class." You have a there that should be there's. It's after a but: but THERE should be but THERE'S.
I find it so sad that her teacher and other people look down on her because of her color.
You threw some romance in there, i personally, like that :)
Woohoo! Way to go Keera! I'm so glad she stood up to the judges, i would have hated if she gave in to that garbage. You ended beautifully. Honestly, this was an amazing piece and i really hope you win this contest. Good luck and keep writing!
over 4 years ago Camilla Rosen said:
Hey! You did a great job with this. Keera's passion for dance really came through, and you put in enough dance-related details to sell the concept. The relationship with Ryder felt sweet and not at all forced. I also adore that you had Keera tell the judges flat-out about the ultimatum, instead of simply not auditioning. (In fact, it felt so generally well-put-together that I could easily imagine this as a movie.)
There were two grammar things that I noticed:
>"He shook his head. 'No, what you need to do is get your mind of the audition . . ." - The "of" should be "off."
> "Last month was Ryder and I’s one year anniversary . . ." I'm pretty sure this should be "Ryder's and my," but I'd check just in case.
Other than that, I can't really recall anything wrong. Good luck!