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Approximately 34 minutes to read
Cover by Jasper blood....its amazing!
11 months ago Haley Burgmyer said:
I need to read chapter eight so PLEASE publish it! :D
11 months ago Farin L. said:
Interesting concept and idea! I'm not a big fan of realistic fiction, so I don't read it often, but honestly? I think you need some work.
First of all, there are a bunch of spelling and grammar errors-actually enough to distract me from the story, although that may just be me being picky. :D
Secondly, the dialogue. I've been told I have skill with dialogue, which is probably why I noticed the stiffness and unrealisticness of your dialogue. For example, what mother says 'You're GONNA be late', using the word 'gonna'? Not many, I think.
As for descriptions, I feel as if you're adding in words just for the sake of describing-which doesn't help with flow. Try to easily blend descriptions with other things, so they don't stand out quite as much. Otherwise it just sounds like a random word added in or a random, sort of odd, explanation.
Your characters are good, though. Pretty well thought through, although a teeeeennnnyy bit of fleshing out could help.
Overall, I'll be coming back to read more when you update-but do fix those errors if you can! :)
11 months ago Leigh-Anne said:
Okay, so, emotion did come through, but some parts just seemed confusing to me. There were random times when somebody spoke and I had no idea who it was because you didn't specify their name, and you were mixing up your tenses a lot. It was quite good and all, but there are mistakes that could be easily fixed. So, happy writing.
11 months ago Kyna Garrett said:
Great work! Just a few spelling/grammar errors, but nothing you can't fix. Other than that, great story and keep it up!
11 months ago danielle n.f. said:
Wow, this is amazing. You capture the humiliation and situation perfectly. I really really really want to read more, and I absolutely loathe Ashley. You do a good job of really bringing out the stereotypes in high school.
You have a lot of sentences that are subject-verb in the 2nd chapter which can get a little repetitive.
When Tye talks with Nathan, I found the sentence structure to just sound a bit awkward. For some reason it didn't sit right with me.
There are a bunch of other spelling mistakes, but nothing that a thorough proof-read can't fix.
about 1 year ago Jenny said:
I really like how you started it and hope that you continue with it. :D