The Alts

The Alts

4 chapters / 14656 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read

Description:

This is a book me and my friend Madi Leigh Persinger (CHECK HER OUT she writes alot of good stories) are writing together.all of the odd chapters(1,3,5,7...etc) are written by me and all of the even chapters(2,4,6,8....etc) are writeen by Madi. :) Our Amazing cover is made by Heather Jones! :)
Here's a description for it...
What would you do if your only way of life was killing people? What if you were raised and trained to be used as weapons? What if you thought that living like this was okay, maybe even right? What would you do if you found out everything you’d be raised and told to believe in was a lie? What if you thought you were protecting your country, but you were really a monster and you were the source of everyone’s nightmares?Amira and Andi are some of the first Alts, but now they need to break away from the only place they’d ever known. The government they’d once trusted was now an enemy.

Comments(24)

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over 1 year ago Faith Robinett said:

Hey, Renae! It's Faith from Economics class! I just wanna say.......WOW! That was truly amazing! It made my heart pound when the girls had to kill that family and soft when the girls were proposed. The ending was the best part! But it's so frustrating when an ending is not complete. So on Monday in class, can you pretty please tell me what happened to the girls? Did they get killed? Did they survive? I need to know! And I must learn from the master!

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almost 2 years ago Zakiya Tiaire said:

I have to definitely come back for more because this just sucked me in. I was just really able to get into the story.

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about 2 years ago VirginiaCalling said:

This story is pretty good. I think some of it is a bit mroe simplistic in parts than other, but no biggie. Consistency comes with practice. Cheers and keep writing!

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about 2 years ago B.C. Doyle said:

Love,love,LOVE it!

Reviews(7)

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almost 2 years ago Jeri said:

I don’t want to be harsh here, I really don’t, but I am not following exactly what the alts ARE. I get they are created because of an exposure to radioactive material, probably causing them to mutate as sex cells and creating mutated babies, that is not confusing, but what confuses me is exactly what society was doing. First of all, I am assuming their parents died off, does that mean there are no adults at all? When did they die off? How young are the youngest alts? Are Norms born from I think you may want to make what caused the alts a bit larger than an atomic bomb. The reason is simple: an atomic bomb has been dropped before. Twice. And the alts didn’t happen—not even close. Look at Chernobyl, that had more concentrated radiation than an atomic bomb dropping and the first generation children of those suffering from radiation (for the most part) did not experience any mutations that are beneficial, but instead had the same types of chromosomal abnormalities that can be produced in the womb. If you really like the radioactive route, I suggest you go wild with it, don’t just make an atomic bomb—make it a nuclear war. A million blown up nuclear power plants. Something we (hopefully) never get to see so your story still keeps some plausibility. There is another reason for this: It would take way more than one nuke to destroy the United States of America. As a matter of fact, the US has been nuked. Many times. Back in the Cold War, the United States wanted to test out nuclear weapons to see exactly how big they could get them, and how quickly they would kill the Russians. They needed a target, and they decided they were bored with poisoning Canadians for their amusement, so they just bombed the desert in New Mexico, that wa empty at the time. See, a nuclear bomb is not as dangerous as everybody thinks it is. Sure, it is still a big bomb and it can still screw up generations of people afterwards, but the fact is even some of the smallest countries in the world can take a few hits from a bomb and survive. And even then, the chances most of the people who were not killed in the initial blast would die off in the surrounding areas in the United States are very low. Just a few pills a day can stave off radiation poisoning. Which also confuses me, how did the parents last long enough to conceive the babies and then die off from the radiation? Radiation poisoning kills very quickly if it is not caught—your cells literally start falling apart.

Now I know I have kind of poked holes into your plot, but this is an important lesson about writing fantasy/dystopia. Make it big. You have to make it something that has never happened before, because if you don’t, people won’t want to believe it in. Even if it is something that is entirely impossible to prove, people will still want to poke holes in your story. So you have to make it huge, so you can say “Well in THIS situation it COULD happen” without anybody being able to prove you wrong. Now, the A, B, C, D names are cool and all, I hate to stifle your pattern, but the story you gave just doesn’t make sense. You say it is their birth names, but there is no way you could convince people to literally name their children by the year they were born. Imagine going into a maternity ward and convincing a mother to name her new song John and not Albert because it is a J year. Kids choosing nicknames, though? That is way more likely, and allows for some way cooler names than those that average parents would want to give their children. And the twin thing, what is going on there? Why would you kill an alt just because they were born without a twin sibling? What happens if you get triplets? The rate of twins in areas affected by radiation are actually seriously lower than everywhere else in the world because radiation kills male sperm cells pretty effectively, or mutates them so they cannot travel properly to create a baby. The chances of having one child is lower, and that is assuming it even survives! The chances of any of the alts having twins are really, really low. Now, you have a good premise here, I think people would definitely read it, it has the dystopian thing going on. It just has a lot of things you really need to think about. You may want to read into nuclear explosions and nuclear reactions, it may seriously benefit you. You may want to look into PETA and find what it does to the environment or maybe look at historic or event current nuclear disasters that are of the same intensities of a nuclear bomb (Chernobyl 1970’s, Japanese nuclear meltdown 2010’s). Especially Chernobyl, look into the cancer rates and birth deformities that are caused by nuclear exposure—while you do have it right that sometimes mutations can cause something like improved hearing or eyesight, it is more likely it will create cancers, mental dysfunction, or babies that don’t even live long enough to be born. You need to account for this in your world, especially if it is just the first-generation of children after the blast. That is why you may want to look into Russia, Ukraine, and other surrounding areas of the Chernobyl disaster area, because the teenagers and adults that are running those areas now are just the second generation after Chernobyl, for the most part. It should give you an idea of what you can expect from such close proximity to a nuclear disaster. You have a good voice from what I see, and your punctuation and grammar is impeccable. If you tweak the plot a little bit, or make it a bit more plausible, I don’t see any reason why this could not be successful. It is certainly the popular flavor-of-the-week at the moment (not a bad thing), so if you get the mix of suspension of disbelief and science right, you could have the next hunger-games. By the way, you may also want to look into the term eugenics, which is essentially what your story is about: breeding a super race of humans to improve the human race. (It sounds like a good thing, but it isn’t really one.)

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almost 2 years ago Michael D. Waterhouse said:

Wonderful!! I enjoyed your original story line. The descriptions were very very well done.Another 70,000 words and you have a publishable novel. Not a big deal but you might want to indent when a new person is speaking. two thumbs up