3 chapters / 2059 words

Approximately 10 minutes to read


It is not a sign of arrogance for the king to rule. That is what he is there for.


Writing, Fantasy, Romance



over 5 years ago Maggie R said:

I really liked this! You jump right into the plot, which is good and the story sounds like something that would be great to continue! I couldn't see any grammar or spelling mistakes, except once when you said 'naught' and you might have meant 'not,' then again maybe you meant to do that. Anyway great job and I would encourage you to continue this! :)


over 5 years ago Ophie said:

This was really good!!! Please write more and tell me when you update! :D


over 5 years ago midnightrunner said:

This is really a fabulous start! The imagery you create is wonderful, and you captured the time period perfectly. The only suggestion I would make is to to provide a better transition from chapters one and two, or at least give the reader time to adjust to the complete scene change. Otherwise, really really great job:) -midnightrunner


over 5 years ago Ami Chan said:

This was pure brilliance. I loved the style this wrote and the pacing you made on this story. This is a type of story that can go horribly wrong but you're making it write. Good job!


over 5 years ago Kritika said:

You really captured an entire era really well, with the speech and the etiquette and the way of life. I loved the name Isolde. There were no grammar/syntax issues that I could see, and your writing generally flows really well. My only comment for improvement was that I felt the entire second chapter was rushed. We are suddenly thrust from the almost-execution to a mother having to sell her body to survive. The scene where Harry sees his mother is very well-written, but the aftermath seemed very rushed. I felt as though he would be numb for a bit, not believing what he is seeing, before he runs out sobbing. I would imagine him to go through anger and helplessness along with the sorrow/shame, which you hinted at but could explore a bit more. Perhaps you could link chapters together thematically, or at least provide some sort of transition; it's hard to tell when the events of each chapter play out in relation to one another. I'm assuming that you're adding to this story, since the end of the third chapter was very abrupt. I'm very interested in what happens next!


over 5 years ago Anne A. said:

I really enjoyed this story. I loved the details and the culture of the time period, or area, or whatever. I do think you should try getting more into the characters heads, try to let the reader know more about the characters. I also suggest maybe trying to make the plot more clear. There was no real clear plot in the first three chapters, and I would like to see something happening. Well, sorry this review took so long to write. Something came up while I was reading. I did enjoy the story, and I hope to see more of it!